Ineffable
by cynosure23
Summary: Love is one of those things that is too great and too meaningful to be expressed in words, but we still try.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome!** _ **Me and You**_ **is still my primary story right now but I also have this for you : ) This has a few chapters done but that one is still my focus and I'll just work on this whenever inspiration strikes.**

 **I hope you like it!**

… …

Some things, some feelings, are too great to be expressed in words.

I didn't really understand that until I fell in love.

… …

"Senior year is going to be amazing," Rosalie declared, slinging one arm around my neck and the other around Kates'. "We have to make it that way. Promise?"

I yanked away from them playfully and forced myself between them instead, a dark head of hair between their two blonde ones. We had been inseparable since first grade, which wasn't hard in such a small town, but for us it was more than that. It wasn't a shallow friendship but one that was deep and unfailing.

"Promise," Kate and I said in unison, and the three of us locked pinkies.

"There's so much to look forward to." Rosalie's grin grew as she spoke. "Senior night, homecoming, free periods, senior trip…and then we're free!"

"Plus all the parties," Kate reminded her. "And even stuff like senior pictures."

"Ugh, don't remind me," I groaned. "My mom is already bugging me about them and I don't know what I'm going to do. There's like, two people around here that take senior pictures and everyone's end up the same. Same places, same poses, same style. And I know my mom would never pay for someone from Seattle or even Port Angeles to take them."

"Hey, we're in the same boat," Rosalie pointed out. "Everyone here is."

"Not me!" Kate stuck her tongue out, playfully smug.

We both looked at her in confusion, and she just giggled. "I'm getting them taken this Saturday. You guys are welcome to tag along and see what I'm talking about."

"Hey, no fair," I complained. "No secrets!"

The warning bell for first period rang, and Kate laughed again, knowing she would escape. "Just come to La Push beach with me Saturday morning and see for yourself!"

If I had known what was waiting for me that chilly Saturday morning at La Push beach, I would have maybe tried to prepare myself for the huge change that was coming. But I was a naïve high school senior, and that feeling of invincibility had already set in. I was sure that I had my life together and that no sudden curveballs were coming my way. I was wrong.

… …

"It's cold," I complained, shoving my hands in the pockets of my Forks High School sweatshirt. "I'm going to kill you, Kate."

It really wasn't that cold, it was just the cold wind coming off of the choppy water making it seem so. Also, I just wasn't a morning person. While Rosalie and I were slumming it in sweatshirts, yoga pants, and messy buns, Kate was polished and perfectly put together. I couldn't even wait to s how her pictures turned out, because she somehow looked even more incredible than usual. Her mom, Carmen, had driven as well, and pulled up beside us. Her car looked full of garment bags- outfit changes for Kate's pictures.

"Hi, girls," she said as she got out of the car. "You two don't look so chipper this morning! Lucky for you, I brought some breakfast."

"Oh my gosh, you are the best," I said with a moan as she handed Rosalie and I both a plate with a hot, sticky cinnamon roll on it.

"Ugh, Mom!" Kate complained, seeing our treats.

"There's one in the car for you," Carmen said soothingly. "I know you, and I didn't want to hear you complain if you smeared that lipstick or got icing on your clothes."

We all laughed because she was spot on, and even Kate knew it.

"So, where is your photographer?" Rosalie asked, looking around. "Or are we being punked?"

Carmen checked her watch. "We're a few minutes early."

"He might get lost," Kate pipped in. "This spot is kind of off the beaten path…maybe we should have met up for the first set of pictures in town."

"What, he's not from around here?" Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "Who is this guy?"

"It's kind of out there," Kate cautioned, but she was grinning. "But Mom let me hire Edward Cullen."

"Who?" Rosalie and I both asked, looking at each other in confusion and then back at Kate.

"He's kind of Instagram famous," Carmen explained. "I was ready to shut Kate down until she showed me his pictures…he's incredible."

"And he travels _everywhere,_ " Kate jumped in, clearly giddy. "I mean, obviously, because he came here. To Forks. But I've followed him forever and he goes wherever his work takes him…on his page he said that one of his goals is to take a job in every state. We're his first in Washington!"

"That is super cool," I said, genuinely intrigued. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Kate shrugged, checking the time on her phone. "I just thought it was cool, and that you guys would think so, too. Plus you know how I love surprises."

"You said Edward Cullen, right?" Rosalie was already searching for him on Instagram.

"Right," Kate and Carmen chorused. "His icon is a black and while picture of a skyline," Kate added, peeking over Rosalie's shoulder at her phone screen.

I was quiet as Rosalie found his page and scrolled through his feed. He really was good. His style was an intriguing mixture between documentary, lifestyle, and classic. Even though I knew nothing about the technical aspects of photography, and didn't own a camera outside of my phone, it had always interested me. Seeing these pictures reawakened that interest, and made me wish I could ever be half as talented as this Edward Cullen was.

The sound of car approaching broke up our huddle, and a silver Volvo pulled up next to us.

The window of the Volvo rolled down, and the driver waved. "Hey, sorry if we're a little late." He got out of the car, going towards the trunk immediately. "Alice isn't the greatest navigator."

A tiny, raven haired woman popped out of the passenger side, grinning. "Sorry!" she exclaimed. "I was sooo caught up in the beautiful scenery!" She came to a stop in front of us, holding out her hand. "I'm Alice Brandon, Edward's second hand woman. Which one of you is Kate?"

"I am." Kate stepped forward quickly and shook Alice's outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you, Alice."

"Likewise."

Kate introduced the rest of us, more introductory handshakes going around. "It's just you being photographed, right?" Edward Cullen came towards us, a camera around his neck and a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

"Uh, yeah," Kate said.

"I'm Edward Cullen," he added, shaking her hand, too. "Sorry, the group threw me off."

"We're just observing," I said quickly, gesturing between Rosalie and I.

His eyes flicked over to me immediately, and I was taken aback at how green and _intense_ they were. It was like he could see straight down into my soul, and I realized that was one of the things that made his photography so good. He really did have intensity, and that translated into his photos, like he saw a piece of his subjects that no one else could.

"I see. Nice to meet all of you. Want to get started?"

Rosalie and I fell back, sitting on the hood of Rosalie's car as they started to set the scene. Carmen stood over with Alice, offering input here and there, but really, Edward and Kate took center stage. He spoke to her softly, and he moved his hands animatedly as he talked. She posed, adjusting accordingly when Edward instructed her to, and Alice took her place by his side, holding a second camera.

It was incredible to watch, because he was passionate and obviously very talented. He talked almost the whole time in a rough, quiet voice, telling Kate what to do and offering encouragement. Alice spoke to him every once in a while, and he just nodded at her, never even looking in his direction. It was interesting to watch them, too, because they were so in tune with each other. Edward would hold his hand out for a different lens, and Alice would already have it ready.

Rosalie had lost interest fairly early on, and was alternating between texting her boyfriend, scrolling through her phone, and halfheartedly watching Kate. I didn't blame her, because honestly this just wasn't her thing. She would always support Kate but senior pictures weren't all that riveting. It made me wonder why _I_ was so fascinated, but I realized with a blush that it was the photographer that kept catching my eye.

I allowed myself to look at him, really look at him, and I was impressed. He was tall, but my perception was slightly skewed because Alice looked to be barely five feet. He looked like a giant next to her, but was definitely taller than average. He wore a backwards baseball cap on his head, and the ends of his ruddy brown hair stuck up from underneath it. He wore simple dark jeans and a grey pullover, and I could see tattoos peeking out from underneath his collar and at the end of the sleeves. I caught a glimpse of piercings in his ear, and the flash of one in his tongue. Compared to the usual type of people that ran around here, he was like a member of a different species.

After getting all of the pictures they wanted at the beach, Kate was ready for an outfit and location change. Rosalie bagged off when we got back into town to take pictures there, but I stuck around. The photos ended up taking up the whole morning and it was almost noon by the time Edward put this equipment back into his car.

"It was great working with you, Kate." He smiled as he shook her hand again. "I'll get some previews to you as soon as I can."

"Can we buy the two of you lunch?" Carmen asked. "You don't have to run off."

Edward glanced over at Alice, who gave him a thumbs up. He turned back to Carmen, shrugging. "That'd be great, but you don't have to buy."

They bickered about it as the five of us walked across the town square towards the diner- one of the only places to eat in town. Edward and Alice didn't seem to mind, and Edward even brought a smaller camera and captured some photos as we walked and even after we sat down to eat.

"So, where are you headed to next?" I asked, honestly curious.

"We don't have anything booked until the end of September," Alice said. "So we'll hang around for a while. We bring all our equipment with us, so we'll be looking over the pictures and editing them from our hotel room."

"We've never been to the Pacific Northwest, and since it's such an incredibly beautiful area, I figured it wouldn't hurt to stick around. I like photographing people, but there's something special about photographing nature, too. So…if you know of any good places, our ears are open." Edward looked so enthusiastic, and I reminded myself that I needed to give his Instagram a more in-depth look when I got home to see his work with nature and landscapes.

" _Your_ ears," Alice corrected him. "I'm all about people. I get bored after like ten minutes in the woods with this guy."

"If anyone knows the best places for pictures, it's Bella."

I didn't know if I wanted to kick Kate or kiss her.

"Really?" Edward perked up, turning to me. "Are you into photography?"

"Not really," I said, cursing the slight stutter in my voice. "I mean, I'm interested in it, but I don't even have a real camera anymore."

"She still has some great pictures on her phone. Show them, Bella."

Yeah, now I was leaning more towards kicking Kate.

"Do you mind?" Edward asked, looking genuinely interested.

I hesitantly pulled up an album of pictures I'd taken on my phone, handing it to Edward.

He was quiet as he slowly looked through the photos, studying some more carefully than others but definitely taking his time. "Would you tell me how to get to some of these places?" He handed my phone back to me, and I quickly tucked it back in my pocket.

"Yeah, of course."

We finished our meal and Carmen ended up winning the fight for the bill, and then she and Kate headed home. I lingered, waiting to give Edward the directions I'd promised. Alice got into the car immediately, focusing on her phone, but Edward returned to where I was waiting with a map.

"Old school, huh?" I took the map, grinning. I didn't know anyone who still used paper maps, but for some reason I liked that he did.

"I like to have them." He scratched the back of his neck, looking a little sheepish. "One day, when I have an actual permanent studio, I want to display all of my maps. I've circled special places on them, written notes…they're kinda cool."

"That is cool."

I took the pen he offered me, then hesitated. "Are you sure you want me to mark it? I don't want to ruin it with my messy handwriting and directions if you're going keep this for your display."

"Nah, go ahead. Makes it all the more special."

He was grinning at me, his green eyes bright. I felt myself blushing, but quickly turned towards the map so that maybe he wouldn't notice. I circled a few places that I could easily locate, but couldn't give him a lot of information this way. "These are some of my favorite places, but some of them I can't really find on a map. You'll find them though, if you're looking."

"Thanks. I really appreciate you giving me some of the inside scoop." He reached up and readjusted his hat, drawing my eyes to some of the tattoos poking out from underneath the collar of his pullover.

"I like your tattoos." I was immediately embarrassed, but Edward just continued to smile.

He pulled his collar to the side slightly, giving me a better look. "Thanks. They're kind of taking over, but they're meaningful. I try to get one wherever I go."

"No tattoo parlor in Forks, so you're out of luck here," I said lightly.

"Yeah? Damn. Honestly, though, I'm not surprised. This town is tiny."

I nodded. The size of this town was something I loved and hated. I knew everyone, and for the most part it was a fairly tight knit community. On the other hand, it was easy for people here to be closed minded and it could also be suffocating. "There's a place in Port Angeles, though. It's only about an hour away."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Bella."

"You're welcome." My mouth felt dry, and even though I didn't want to go, I knew I had to. "Well…maybe I'll see you around. Good luck."

"Yeah, maybe you will. Thanks again."

He smiled at me again, waving before I headed back in the direction of home.

My mouth was still dry and my heart was pounding. At the time I thought it was just because of who he was- beautiful and different and talented. But it was more than that, and eventually _he_ would be more than that to me.

… …

 **I hope you enjoyed chapter one- please let me know what you thought.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so glad so many of you seemed to enjoy chapter one! The answer to the most popular question: Bella is seventeen, and Edward is twenty four. Also, I'm not sure about EPOV but I never ever rule it out. Most of the time I feel like it's just necessary to tell the story a certain way. So we'll probably be hearing a bit from Edward at some point. I'll let you know when!**

 **I have a little bit of future chapters done but no idea when I'll have the next one ready to update. The next chapter of** _ **Me and You**_ **will definitely be coming first- maybe even the next two or three. Thanks for reading and I hope you're enjoying this!**

 **Happy Mother's Day to everyone, too. I'm stuck at work until midnight but we had a great morning/afternoon celebrating with my mom. Hope you all had a nice day, too.**

… …

The first week of senior year had gone by quickly, but the second week was dragging on.

I caught myself thinking about Edward more than once. I was literally a schoolgirl with a silly crush, and I was more embarrassed than anything. Kate, Rosalie, and I drove to school together every day, and we were doing our best to get a jump on making senior year amazing. The first major party of the year would be this weekend, and I was already looking forward to it.

My talk with Edward had re-inspired me, so when I got home from school on Wednesday, I grabbed my phone and my jacket and headed outside. I lived on the outskirts of our small town, so my backyard gave way to the surrounding woods. One of my favorite places wasn't too far away- it was a tucked away clearing in the woods that was always beautiful, but especially when all the flowers were in bloom and turned it into the most colorful thing I'd ever seen.

It had been raining lightly all day, but with the hood of my jacket up, I barely noticed. This was the norm here, and I loved the smell of the woods in the rain, and the sound it made in the leaves. I loved my friends more than anything, but time alone was nice, too.

However, I wasn't alone for long.

"Bella?"

I whirled around, my heart pounding at first because I was a little startled and then because it was Edward approaching. "Hey!"

"Sorry if I startled you. I thought that was you…and I didn't want to keep just skulking behind you." He jogged to catch up to me, his hands shoved in the pockets on his leather jacket. He was wearing a v neck shirt underneath it, and I could see more tattoos spread across his upper chest. I could also see his camera slung around his arm, protected by his jacket. "I came looking for one of those spots you were telling me about."

"You're headed in the right direction." We both continued walking, and I noticed that Edward kept a good distance between us. "I was just headed out there, too."

"Yeah? You don't mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

We walked in relative silence for a few minutes, but it was comfortable. Edward whipped out his camera twice, but never stopped walking.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" He was already pulling a cigarette out, and even though I thought it was a bad habit, I said no. "I know," Edward said as he lit up. "Nasty habit. But…it's a habit."

"It's just up here." I gestured ahead of us, where I could see the clearing.

"Wow." Edward paused, tilting his head up and looking around. "It's incredible here." He was already taking more pictures, but it seemed like a second nature for him. It was like he didn't even realize he was doing it. "How did you find this place?"

"My house isn't far. I just kind of stumbled upon it one day a few years ago, and I kept coming back. I could probably walk here with my eyes closed at this point. I love to come here."

I felt incredibly amateur compared to him, but I couldn't resist pulling out my phone and snapping some pictures of my own. I might have even gotten a quick one of Edward. He looked so incredible, and just like when he was doing Kate's senior pictures, he was amazing in his element. The camera looked like it was a part of him, and I wished I could see the outcome of all the pictures he was taking. He looked over at me after a few minutes, smiling. "Do you want to see?"

"Yeah, I do actually." I was nervous as I stepped close to him, close enough to smell the soap he used through the cigarette smell. He kept the camera strap slung around his neck as he moved the camera closer so I could see the screen. "Wow." The display wasn't large, and I'd probably seen every angle of this clearing over the years, but there was something special about what he captured. It made me see it in a new way, and I told him so.

"That's a high compliment," Edward noted, his eyes crinkling as he smiled at me. "Can I see yours?" He noticed my hesitation, and lowered his own camera. "I'm not here to judge your pictures, and you don't have to show me if you don't want to."

"No, no, it's okay…"

I fumbled with my phone for a moment, not wanting him to see the picture I'd taken of him. He leaned closer still to see my phone screen, studying it as I slowly scrolled through the photos I wanted him to see.

"You've got a good eye." He peered over at me, looking pleased and _maybe_ even a little impressed.

"I don't even have a real camera," I said, repeating what I had told him on Saturday.

Edward shrugged. "That doesn't matter, if that's what you have to work with. And iPhone cameras aren't bad, you know. I use them all the time."

"Well, you're the expert I guess. The professional."

He snorted. "If you say so."

"You don't consider yourself a professional?"

"No. I mean, I do. Like, I try and act professionally, and this _is_ my profession. But I'm no expert, and I won't tell other people how to do it. Everyone does it differently, and gets different results. Just because I have a business and an Instagram page doesn't make me better than everyone else. Everyone contributes something, and has their own impact."

He said it kindly, then went back to taking pictures.

We stayed silent for a while, and even though I was done trying to take photos, I never got tired of looking around.

"Can I take your picture?" His sudden question surprised me, and I looked up at him in shock.

"Why?"

He cocked his head, giving me an incredulous smile. "You're beautiful, Bella. And this is _your_ place. You're a part of this, aren't you?"

I couldn't believe he thought that I was beautiful, especially when I was surrounded by a place like this, overflowing with pure, abundant beauty. "O…okay," I managed to say, tucking my phone back into the pocket of my jacket. "What should I do?" I instantly felt awkward, and tried to not look at the camera.

Edward chuckled, already snapping a few photos. "Just…do what you were doing. I noticed you when you were looking around, and the way you see this place is amazing. You look around like it's your first time seeing all of this, and you appreciate everything that your eyes are taking in. How many times have you been out here? Hundreds, thousands? And you're still looking around like that. I think you're more observant than you probably give yourself credit for, and even though you didn't believe me when I said that I thought you had a good eye, you do."

He continued to talk to me, and eventually I forgot that he was holding a camera. By the time he put it down, I felt completely relaxed.

"I'm glad I ran into you." Edward tucked his hands back into his pockets again as we left the clearing, heading back. "I got more than I was looking for."

"I thought you said you wanted to photograph nature?"

He shrugged. "I did. Some things just catch your eye."

I blushed, ducking my head down in hopes that he wouldn't notice. He might have, but he didn't comment on it and just smiled.

"So…I'm glad you're looking into the places I suggested. Have you gone to any others yet?"

"Not yet." Edward lit another cigarette, but he pulled it away from his lips immediately and rolled it between his fingers. "I was hoping to work more on Kate's pictures, since Alice has just gotten started on them, then go back out over the weekend to find some of those spots. I'd like to go back to some of the spots we were at last weekend, too."

"Maybe I could come with you."

The words came tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop myself, but I don't think I would have stopped even if I could have.

He looked a little surprised, but smiled crookedly. "Yeah, okay. Any suggestions? I think _you're_ the expert in this case."

"Third Beach would be good. It's not far from where Kate took her pictures, but it's more popular."

"Okay." Edward nodded. "I'll probably head over there later in the morning…around eleven. Is that okay with you?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then."

… …

Rosalie frowned at me, tapping her pen against her desk. "Why are you so spacey today? I asked you twice if you wanted to come over tomorrow night."

"Sorry." I shook my head, trying to refocus and pretend that I was thinking of anything other than Edward Cullen. "I don't know what's going on with me today. Yes, I want to come over on Friday. Is Kate coming, too?"

"Yeah. I know it's early, but I figured we could start talking about homecoming."

I wanted to groan, but I didn't. Rosalie loved this kind of stuff. She was beautiful and friendly, and she and her boyfriend were shoe-in's for homecoming king and queen. She always helped plan and decorate for the dance and was involved in everything to do with homecoming week. I, on the other hand, didn't mind helping plan but would rather stay in the background.

"I've already been looking at dresses and you know I have to have your opinions," Rosalie continued. "And we can figure out a day to go try on dresses for all three of us in Port Angeles."

"Sounds good."

Rosalie told me a little bit more about her plans, but was cut off by the bell ringing shrilly, announcing the start of class. But my focus still wasn't there, and my mind was still wandering.

I couldn't wait until Saturday.

… …

 **So I want to assure ya'll that nothing** _ **illegal**_ **will be happening. It's late august-very early September at this point in the story, and I'll be keeping her birthday canon and on September thirteenth. No jail for Edward, and they're both aware of the fact that for now, she's jailbait. Age of consent is sixteen in Washington State, but I believe there is a clause there about the age difference involved. Either way, nothing will be happening until later, when Bella is legally an adult.**

 **Whew. Just had to get that out of the way.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Hope you're all doing great. I'm still in the process of moving, but I really do like my new job so far. My fiancé has been here this weekend and we had a great time exploring, but now he's headed back home so here I am : ) He's on the hunt for a job up here now though, so hopefully he finds something soon! I'm missing having someone to pester.**

 **Not sure they'll be another update of this before the next chapter of** ** _Me and You_** **, but stay tuned. I'll post on facebook when I figure out what's going on.**

 **Enjoy!**

… …

The steady sound of Rosalie and Kate's breathing and the creaking of the old house were the only noises I could hear. It was three o'clock in the morning, and they had just fallen asleep several minutes before. Sleep eluded me, however, as my mind was racing with excitement over my plans to meetup with Edward later in the morning.

I knew there was no way he felt the same way about me as I did about him, but I allowed myself to dream. I had virtually no experience with boys, but Edward wasn't a boy. The little experience I _did_ have was nothing like what Edward would probably be used to and expect from a girl. No- from a _woman_. He clearly didn't see me that way. I was just a girl to him, a teenaged schoolgirl who he happened to cross paths with.

If Kate and Rosalie had caught onto my crush, neither of them had said anything. We had spent our night the same as we always did, eating ice cream, talking, and watching crappy movies. My mind had wandered occasionally, but Rosalie and Kate had kept my attention for the most part.

But now they were sound asleep and there was nothing to stop me from focusing on Edward. And I fell asleep with him on my mind.

… ….

"You were right." Edward lifted his camera to his eye, snapping pictures rapidly. "It's beautiful here. I've never been to a beach like this before...all these rocks, and the forest...it's pretty awesome out here."

I nodded, surveying Third Beach. Even though it was almost September and the temperature of the water was dropping, it was still popular. Children ran along the rocky shore, tailed by their mothers and fathers. A few brave souls were out in the water, and just seeing them out there made my teeth chatter.

"Whoa." Edward paused. He took a picture, the camera angled up towards the cliffs, and then turned to me. "Do people…jump?"

"From the cliffs?" He nodded. "Yeah, actually. Cliff diving is pretty popular, especially with the kids from the reservation." I said watching another person jump from the cliffs, their whoops and laughs audible even from a distance, and then hit the water with a splash. "Did you get a good picture?"

Edward held the camera out wordlessly, showing me the display with a little smile on his face. "I dunno, did I?"

The picture is, of course, incredible. The person is caught in the perfect motion, close enough to see their shape but too far away to really _see_. If you looked at a passing glance, you might not realize it was a person. The rocky cliffs and the open expanse of the ocean added to the photo, making it even more beautiful.

"It's beautiful….I love it. It's incredible how you can turn a simple view into something so...special."

"Thank you, Bella. You're doing wonders for my ego here. But I really do appreciate it."

We continued, talking quietly but mostly just taking it all in. I loved watching him with his camera, because it truly seemed like an extension of himself. Everything he did as he worked seemed so effortless, making him seem all the more incredibly talented.

After almost an hour, we sat down on some large rocks not far from the shore and I watched as Edward pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"I've never smoked before." I knew I sounded so juvenile as the words came out of my mouth, but…my guard was down around him and I found myself not caring.

"Good." Edward took a drag. "Don't start. It's a no good addiction."

I laughed, watching him. "Yeah? That doesn't mean much, coming from you."

"It's a nasty addiction," he admitted. "But it's better than others. And I had enough of all that. Believe it or not...this is safer."

"Than what?"

He half-smiled, shaking his head. "Another story for another time."

"So, there will be another time?"

"Sure. I'll be around for a while, and you're not bad company." He nudged me playfully, but I felt myself blush.

I wondered how obvious I was, and if he realized how I felt. He was either oblivious to my crush or just being nice- taking pity on me and pretending not to notice my blushing and attempts to spend more time with him.

"Hey, I have something to show you." Edward reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out. "I was working on some of those photos I took the other day, you know, in your meadow-"

"My meadow?"

"What? You call it something else?"

I shook my head. "I've never thought to really call it anything. It just…is."

"Well, to me, it's your meadow. Anyway, as I was saying…I was editing the pictures and this is the one I took of you."

He held his phone out to me, and I swear, my jaw actually dropped. I had never seen myself like this, and I hoped Edward saw me that way, too. Beautiful and ethereal and actually looking…grown up.

"Wow," I finally said. "Wow, Edward."

He chuckled, looking at the picture as well with a smile on his face. "You're really, really beautiful."

I turned to face him, suddenly so aware of how close we were sitting. "Thank you." It came out as a whisper, but I considered myself lucky that I wasn't rendered completely speechless by his presence.

I wished he would have kissed me then, but if he had, our story wouldn't have been the same.

… …

"Bella, I heard Mike is going to ask you to homecoming." Rosalie delivered this news like she was Moses bringing down the Ten Commandments. Grinning ear to ear, she flopped down next to me on the blanket we had spread out in the grass.

This was the first party of the year, and it was just about perfect. Alcohol flowed freely, and Rosalie's boyfriend, Emmett, had set up speakers in the bed of his truck. The atmosphere was mellow, and I felt a pang in my chest when I realized that this was the real marker of the beginning of the school year…meaning that it was just a matter of time before this was all over, and we all had to move on.

It made me move closer to Kate and Rosalie, who were chattering about the prospect of Mike Newton asking me to be his date to the homecoming dance.

"Mike is nice...and kind of cute, but really- I was thinking it'd be more fun to go stag this year."

Kate and Rosalie looked at me like I had grown another head. "Oh." It was Kate who spoke first. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Well…that'll be fun. Really. The only real benefit to a date is that they buy dinner…and since we were planning on eating at my house, that's not really applicable, is it?" Rosalie spoke kindly, not patronizingly. "Maybe you're on to something, Bella."

Emmett swooped in out of nowhere, pressing a sloppy kiss to his girlfriend's lips. "You wouldn't dare stand me up, Hale. I'm the hottest date in town."

Kate and I exchanged smiles. Rosalie and Emmett could be graphic, but they were the greatest couple. I loved Emmett almost as much as I loved my girlfriends- he was almost like a brother to me at this point, and his devotion to Rosalie made him even more lovable.

"Hey, speaking of homecoming," Kate began, kicking Emmett playfully to get him to stop macking on Rosalie. "Where are we on the party front?"

"My house." Emmett rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. "My dad will be in Seattle all weekend for a conference, and my mom is tagging along. They okayed a party as long as it's halfway cleaned up by Sunday night. Rosie, is your brother still good for the kegs?"

Jasper Hale was a godsend. He was twenty three and a certified CPA now, but was still far from straight-laced and was happy to provide the alcohol for the occasional party. Without him, we'd be risking it with fake IDs and be forced to drive all the way to Port Angeles to use them. Rosalie assured Emmett that Jasper was okay with it, and then focused more on homecoming itself, including dresses and the voting for homecoming court.

Much like it had been for the past few weeks, my mind wandered to Edward. It had only been a matter of hours since we had seen each other at Third Beach, but I _missed_ him. I didn't know how it was possible, nor did I understand it, but I did recognize the feeling.

… …

Our tradition after Saturday night parties was to sleep in and then meet up for a late lunch at the diner. Today was no different, and we convened in our regular booth with sunglasses on and ordered all the greasy food we thought we could stomach.

Halfway through my patty melt and onion rings, I almost choked when Alice and Edward walked through the door arm in arm. They settled into a both on the other side of the diner, and I was even more surprised to see Jasper Hale walk in a few moments later and join them without hesitation.

"How does your brother know Alice and Edward?"

Rosalie turned slightly to see what I was looking at and shrugged her shoulders. "Jasper said he ran into them at the bar the other night. He thinks Alice is hot."

"She's pretty," I agreed. "Do…do you think she and Edward are together, though?"

"Nah." It was Kate who spoke first. "His website says she's his stepsister."

"Oh. Okay."

Rosalie kicked Kate underneath the table. "Stalker."

The three of us dissolved into giggles, and suddenly I felt goosebumps erupt all over my body, and I knew Edward had approached.

"Hey." He drummed his knuckles on the table, smiling. "Nice to see you guys."

Everyone exchanged pleasantries, but I thought that maybe he smiled the widest at _me_.

"Kate, I have like, half of your pictures done. Do you want to set up a time for you to come and see them? We're still staying at the place across the square."

"I'll come with you," I volunteered, the words leaving my mouth as soon as Kate agreed.

"Well, give Alice a call when you want to come see them. She'll tell you the room number and all that. See you guys later, okay?"

He gave a little wave and walked away, and the whole encounter was about three minutes long and mostly directed at Kate, but my heart was still practically pounding right out of my chest.

… …

 **Thanks for reading! Like I probably have mentioned before, I am still trying to figure out how I can work out my writing schedule. Other than classes in college, this is the first time I've had a real set schedule, and honestly a 9-5 job is a bit of an adjustment for me. I was working crazy hours and days before…but it was just very different. So please have patience and I promise updates will come. Thanks again, my loves!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! Thanks for reading. If you're friends with me on Facebook you might have seen that I've finally figured out an update schedule. This story will update on Friday's, and my other story "Me and You" will update on Tuesday's. Any delays or changes in the future will be posted there as well. My profile is Cynosure Fanfic if you'd like to be connected!**

 **Many of you are anticipating a time jump- you're right, but it will be a while until that happens and it probably won't be the way you might think. It's the very end of August at this point in the story.**

… …

I liked Alice. She was fun and energetic, sweet and funny. And knowing that she wasn't Edward's sister- even just his stepsister, made me like her even more.

"Look at this one," she was saying to Kate, both of them hovering over Alice's laptop.

Kate replied, but I was focused on Edward. He and I were sitting on the loveseat while Alice and Kate were perched on the side of the bed. Edward had taken a backseat to Alice today- it seemed like this was more her thing, while he was the one photographing and editing. But he seemed happy that Kate was happy, and I even let myself think that maybe he was happy to see me.

"I have some pictures to show you, too." Edward was reaching for his own laptop before I could even reply.

I was enthralled as he showed me pictures he had taken at Third Beach, even more so when he actually asked me for my opinion on them. I loved that he actually seemed to care what I think.

"Here. This is one of my favorites."

He was silent as he turned the screen towards me, bringing his hand up to his chin and watching my reaction.

It was a picture of me with my back to the water. My eyes were closed and my face was turned upwards towards the sky, enjoying a brief ray of sunshine. I hadn't known that he'd taken the picture, but I was glad that he had.

"Wow."

"I hope you don't mind," Edward said, still studying me. Suddenly it was like Alice and Kate weren't even in the same room anymore. It was just me, him, and these pictures.

"I don't," I admitted quietly.

"Thank you for showing me these places. I wouldn't have been able to find them without you."

"Something tells me that's not true. I think these places find _you_. Pictures like this…they find you, too. Dying to be seen by you."

He just smiled, his eyes dark. I watched as he ran his thumb over his bottom lip, and I was struck by the incredible urge to just…kiss him. Of course, this wasn't the first time I'd felt that urge. But like all those other times, I knew there was nothing I could do. Not only because Alice and Kate were in the room, but because of who I was and who he was.

"I'm glad you like them."

"So…you're almost done with Kate's pictures?" I asked, nodding over to where Alice and Kate were still looking through them and talking.

"About halfway. Alice has been giving me a hard time, saying I'd be done with all of them by now if I wasn't spending so much time taking even more pictures."

I nodded, knowing that when he was done editing and taking pictures, he'd be gone for good.

"I think Alice wants to stick around for a little while, though." Edward spoke nonchalantly, but the corner of his mouth turned up in a sincere smile. "And so we will."

"Oh?" My voice squeaked when I spoke, and Edward kept smiling.

"For a little while," he repeated. "We have a job in California at the end of September."

"I see." I swallowed, trying to find the courage to say something I wanted to say. "Well…you'll be here for my birthday, then."

He raised his eyebrows, and I could hear him clicking his tongue ring against his teeth. "Yeah? When's that?"

"September thirteenth."

"Turning eighteen?"

I nodded, feeling my cheeks bloom red.

"Big plans?"

"Maybe." I was trying to be coy despite the fact that my blush and the goosebumps on my arms were giving me away. "Are you getting me a present?"

"Maybe," Edward replied, and I swore I saw his eyes flick down to my lips for just a split second.

"The pictures look great." Kate stood from the bed suddenly, smiling at Edward. "Thank you."

He nodded, standing as well. "I'm glad you like them so far. I'll have the rest done as soon as I can."

"Come on, Bella."

Kate held her hand out to me, and I turned to Edward again before reaching for it. "Thanks."

He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Anytime."

Kate and I left, swinging our joined hands between us. "What were you thanking Edward for?" She asked curiously, turning her head towards me.

"He was showing me some pictures he took at Third Beach. They were really amazing."

"Cool. I love my pictures. He did such a good job." Kate smiled, giddy. "I'm so glad I found him."

"Me, too."

And I was. Not just because he took her senior pictures and she loved them, but because she found him and brought him here, into my life. Maybe we would have crossed paths one day, far off in the future, but I doubted it. I was here and I didn't have any plans to wander too far. Why would I? I had nowhere else to go. But I had a feeling Edward would always wander, and continue to photograph his journey along the way.

… …

"What are we doing for your birthday, Bella?" Rosalie pushed her sunglasses down, her bright blue eyes meeting mine.

It was a rare sunny Tuesday, and we had decided to make the most of it after getting out of school. Rosalie had a pool, and her parents didn't care if we drank some wine coolers out of the mini fridge on their back deck.

"I was thinking we could go to Port Angeles for the day," Katie suggested. "Only if you want to, of course."

"Maybe we could go to PA in the morning and then have a party that night."

"Sure. Here?"

"That'd be great," I said, taking Rosalie up on her offer. "Nothing major…just friends. Maybe we could have it out here, if it's not raining."

"Hey guys."

We all turned when we heard Jasper's voice coming from the house, and I was shocked to see Alice and Edward in tow.

"Enjoying the sun?" Edward smiled, his eyes locked on mine.

I smiled back, and my heart started pounding like crazy. "It's a rarity around here."

"You don't mind the company, do you?"

Jasper laughed, motioning for them to follow him out onto the deck. "They better not, because we're not leaving."

Alice laughed and smiled up at him like he strung the moon and the stars, and I wondered if this was why she told Edward she wanted them to stick around for a while.

"We don't have to…"

"I promised you a pool," Jasper said, cutting her off. "I'm a man of my word."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, lying back on her towel. "Don't let us stop you. I need a favor from you, anyway."

"I should have known. Jasper leaned down and tugged on the edge of her towel, making her kick him away. "What do you want now?"

"It's for Bella's birthday." Kate didn't look up from the magazine she was reading as she piped up. "Two weekends from now."

Jasper sighed, but smiled at me. "Just let me know what you want."

"Thanks, Jasper."

They moved closer towards the pool, and I put my sunglasses on so that maybe I could keep an eye on Edward without being quite so obvious.

Jasper and Alice got into the water immediately, but Edward lingered on the deck. He pulled his shirt up over his head before lighting a cigarette, and I couldn't take my eyes off of the tattoos covering most of his arms. His back was untouched, his pale skin flawless.

"Hey, Jasper, do you know if there are any tattoo shops around here?" I heard him say.

"Not here," Jasper answered. "Definitely Port Angeles, though."

"You're going to run out of space, Edward." Alice's tone was chiding, but she smiled teasingly at her stepbrother as she leaned against Jasper in the water.

"What else is skin for?" Edward puffed on his cigarette, and even though I'd never given tattoos that much thought, I thought that I agreed with him. For his skin, anyway. He looked perfect.

"Ooh, Bella, we should go to that restaurant that has those giant hamburgers. It's by the bookstore that you love, too."

I almost missed what Kate said, so I had to tear my eyes away from Edward. He was too distracting.

"That would be great. I'm excited!"

"In Port Angeles?" Edward turned around to look at us, curious. "Maybe you guys could recommend some places. Sounds like I'll be heading there sometime before the end of the month."

"You could go on the same day and meet up with us for lunch," I offered, the suggestion leaving my mouth before I had time to think about what I was saying.

Rosalie and Kate both looked at me, their eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be."

Kate touched my arm discreetly, probably wondering what the hell I was doing.

"That's okay. We'll still give you some suggestions." I smiled at him, trying to play it off. It probably didn't work.

"Come help me reapply my sunscreen," Kate said, standing abruptly.

I followed her into the house even though I didn't want too, reaching for the small bottle of sunscreen sitting on the counter. "Do you really want this?" I asked, doubting she wanted any shield from the rare rays of sunshine.

"What are you doing, Bella? Do you…have a crush on Edward?"

I shrugged, not looking at her as I smeared sunscreen on my own nose.

"I know he's unbelievably good looking. Believe me, I think he's gorgeous, too. But he's like….twenty four or twenty five. And if that weren't enough, which it _is_ …he's leaving in less than a month."

"Kate, I just think it's really hot," I lied, leaving out how I thought he was talented and wonderfully kind and sweet, too. "Sorry if it's…weird."

"It's not." She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know. It's just that I've never seen you like this."

"And I've never seen anything like him."

… …

Later, after Kate had left to go work on her Spanish project and Emmett had stopped by to see Rosalie, I sat alone on the Hale's deck. The sun was starting to set, and I had pulled my long sleeved tee shirt on over my swimsuit top. I wondered when there would be another sunny day like this one.

When I heard the door to the house open, I assumed it was Rosalie. But it was Edward that sat down beside me on the top of the steps, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

We were quiet for a moment, and because I was still embarrassed by what I had said earlier, I wanted him to speak first.

Lucky for me, he did.

"I really appreciated your invitation to Port Angeles. But I know it was just supposed to be the three of you."

"I was just trying to be nice," I lied.

He nodded, but I could tell he didn't believe me. "Well, it was nice."

"I'm sorry if it was…weird."

Silence fell over us again, and it was Edward who broke it again. "Maybe we could go the next weekend."

I looked over at him, shocked. "Really?"

He shrugged, lighting another cigarette. "Sure."

I wondered if he knew, in that moment, how much his suggestion meant to me. Years later, I would look back on his invitation and our subsequent day trip and know that it was our turning point.

… …

 **Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. See you again next Friday for chapter five, and Tuesday for chapter fourteen of "Me and You" if you're reading that one, too : )**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey all! Sorry for the delay with this one. I completely forgot to let everyone know that I would in in St. Louis with my fiance for the weekend, and I didn't end up posting about the delay on Facebook until late-ish Friday night. Thanks for bearing with me in the meantime. We did end up having a wonderful weekend, though, so having to post late was worth it.**

 **Enjoy the chapter! Their day in Port Angeles, which yes, will be a turning point- ended up split into two chapters. Just a heads up : )**

"Make a wish."

Edward smiled as he held the cupcake out to me, making me melt.

I blew out the lone candle, even though he had been my birthday wish and him standing here in front of me now had already made it come true. "My birthday was last week."

The reminder wasn't necessary, but I told him anyway as I pulled the candle out and held it between my fingers before taking a bite of the rich chocolate treat. "But thank you."

"You're welcome." His eyes darted down to my lips, and I quickly wiped at them, hoping I didn't have chocolate smeared all over my mouth.

"Do you want a bite?" I held the cupcake out to him.

He laughed, but accepted a small bite. "So...do you want to drive? Or should I?"

We were standing outside of the hotel he and Alice were still staying at, my old truck parked next to his shiny silver Volvo. "You can drive. If you don't mind, I mean."

"I don't."

His car was meticulously clean, and I laughed at the turtle shaped air freshener attached to a vent on the passenger side.

"Alice," Edward explained. "Although it's growing on me."

Forks was small enough that we were out of town in just a few minutes, and I leaned my head against the window to look at the lush green scenery whizzing by. I had lived here my whole life, but it never got old.

We made small talk for a while, trading stories about what we had done since we had seen each other last. Not that much time had passed, and Forks was still the same sleepy little town, so there wasn't all that much to tell, but the sound of his voice still made me feel warm inside.

"So, how was your birthday?" Edward turned down the radio as he spoke, focusing his attention on me instead of Kygo coming through the speakers.

"It was great," I said honestly. "Lunch at one of my favorite places, a few hours spent in the best bookstore around, and then friends, music, and a bonfire at night. Rose and Kate really went all out this year."

"Eighteen is a big deal."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You guys are really close, huh? You, Rosalie, and Kate."

I smiled, thinking about how Rose, Kate, and I had always been a package deal. Our three names together just sounded so natural. "We are. We've known each other our whole lives."

"So you all grew up here?"

"Yeah. Our moms were actually friends in school." Our mothers were still close, too, but our friendship with each other was no longer based on their association- it had grown far past that, strengthen by the years. Everyone joked that we might as well have been born sisters, and we were really part of each other's families. "So they grew up here, too. Where'd you grow up?"

Edward laughed slightly. "Everywhere. We moved around a lot when I was a kid. It just seems natural to me now, I guess, because I just kept roaming, even after my parents finally put down roots. My mom and stepdad got married when I was twelve, but she was still a traveling nurse and didn't want to give it up yet. My grandma traveled with us at first and homeschooled me. Then my stepdad homeschooled both Alice and I after they got married. They didn't stop moving around until Alice put her foot down- she spent the beginning of her life in one place, and she missed it. So my mom got a job at a hospital in Chicago when I was seventeen and Alice was fourteen. Now Alice travels with me, but she'd go crazy without a home base."

"How long have you been on the road?"

"This time? Since the middle of July. We're heading back to Chicago after our job in California, though. Alice is anxious to be home for a while."

"And you're not?" Even though I'd admit that it sounded adventurous and even maybe a little bit romantic, I couldn't imagine such a nomadic lifestyle.

He shrugged. "Not really. Like I said- I'm used to it. I kind of thrive in this lifestyle. The constant new sources of inspiration, the excitement of discovering new places...it's all extremely appealing to me. Even when we go back to Chicago, I don't stick around like Alice does. She'll stay for a few weeks, but I have plans to do some exploring around the Great Lakes during that time. Then we'll pick up again where we left off for another job."

"Wow." I turned my gaze out the window again, overwhelmed by the life he was describing. He really had no roots, and that scared me a little bit.

"It's not for everyone," Edward admitted. "But it works for me."

"How long have you been in business?" I changed the subject slightly, not wanting to think about him going off to California and Illinois and then God knows where else.

"Three years, officially. I was working for a company in Chicago before I started branching out, and I felt like I was in a rut, creatively. The company ended up mostly doing wedding photography, which don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy. But Chicago suddenly felt very small when everyone wanted the same locations, the same poses, the same... _everything_. I started freelancing more, and finding work out of the area. I started to build a reputation and was getting jobs further and further away...finally I just decided that if I didn't take the plunge, I'd never be satisfied. So I did it. And I don't regret a single decision I've made."

I loved hearing him talk about this, even though the thought of being so nomadic was scary to me. He was just as passionate in speech as when he was taking photos, and he sounded so sure of himself. It was a kind of confidence and passion I'd never experienced before, and it was mesmerizing.

"Kate said that one of your goals was to work in all fifty states. Where have you hit so far?"

"Yeah, it is. Mostly because I want to push myself to travel more, and leave no pages unturned. I feel like I'd be missing out on something. I wish I could just go _everywhere_ , really, but of course that'd be virtually impossible. But so far I've hit twenty one states. It's kind of hard because I don't usually travel too far without an actual job set up. I'd love to just drive and never stop until I photographed everything I wanted to...but financially, I can't swing that. And Alice would never go for it."

"I've never left Washington," I admitted, hating that I'd never traveled. "The furthest away I've ever been is Seattle, actually."

"That's only a shame if you _want_ to travel more. If you're happy in one place, then stay in one place. Travel is meaningless if it's not something you want, embrace, and enjoy. And it's a shame for something as amazing as traveling to ever be meaningless to someone."

"No, I do want to go places." I looked out the window again, at the vast array of green we were driving through. "I think I'd like to see something different. What are all the places you've been? What am I missing out on?"

Edward thought for a moment, a smile playing at his lips. "You'd love Tennessee," he finally said, making me laugh.

"Tennessee? What's in Tennessee?"

"It's got small towns and beautiful scenery, then it has places like Nashville and Memphis. There's a lot to see; a lot to do. I just think you'd like it."

If I could have, I probably would have booked a plane ticket to Tennessee right then and there. Instead, I just smiled back at them. "Okay. I'll go to Tennessee some day."

"Good."

"Tell me about some other places."

"Well, I've spent a lot of time in Illinois and Missouri. Chicago, obviously, but when I started branching out more, that's where my work led me. I went to this smaller state school in Southern Illinois for an engagement session. The couple had gone to school there and spent a lot of time in the schools gardens when they were still just friends. Their romance developed there, and it was just...obvious. The love was almost tangible, and not just their love for each other...their love for that place. To take those photos for them in the place they really fell in love was a great experience. They invited me back to do their wedding photos at the same place, and it was even more amazing that time around. They're expecting a baby in March now, and we're doing maternity photos in February and then a newborn session. To have been a part of their life journey, even in such a small way, has been one of the most rewarding experiences."

I almost felt overwhelmed by what he was describing to me, but in a good way. The passion in his voice was raw and unbridled, and suddenly his nomadic tendencies made a little more sense to me. If I could experience that, with as many people as possible and in as many places as possible, I would never want to stop, either.

"Hey, so where are we headed in Port Angeles?" Edward asked. I hadn't realized we had almost reached our destination, being so wrapped up in our conversation. I would have been sad that the drive was almost over, but luckily I got to look forward to a whole afternoon spent together.

"Well, you said you wanted a tattoo, right? There's a couple of places you could go."

"Yeah, I do. We should grab a bite and then look them up so I can do a little research while we eat."

I agreed, and once we got into Port Angeles I directed him to a fairly centrally located restaurant for lunch. We were seated after a short wait, and Edward looked around with interest. "This place is cool." He studied the wall to our left, which was crammed with polaroid photos of patrons. Rose, Kate, and I had a picture up on that wall somewhere, although I had given up trying to find it again.

"Yeah, I like it." I noticed for the first time that Edward hadn't brought a camera along with him, and that I'd never seen him without one. When I told him that, he laughed loudly.

"I guess you're right. I do have my phone, though. I guarantee I'll be using it to take some pictures." He took his phone out of his pocket as he spoke, placing it face down on the table.

We placed our order a few minutes later, then tucked into our food as soon as it came. Our waitress had a full sleeve of tattoos, which Edward admired and asked her about. She told him the shop she had gotten it done at, and the name of the artist. They talked for a few minutes while I ate, and I felt a hot streak of irrational jealously as she asked to see some of Edward's tattoos, too, and he rolled up one of his shirt sleeves to show her.

Eventually she left to go take care of another table, and Edward tucked into his meal. I had been curious about his tattoos, too, and I was cursing myself for not asking about them sooner. I loved to hear him talk, but when he was talking about the tattoos to the waitress, it just wasn't the same.

"So, what do you do want to get done?" I asked. "And where?"

He rolled up his sleeve again, showing me the bare area between his forearm and his upper arm where his tattoos didn't reach yet. The ink bordering the blank spot seemed to swirl around it, all different colors and even different styles. Yet somehow, it looked cohesive, like it was one large piece of work instead of many small pieces blended together. "This is the area I'm looking to fill in, but I don't want to fill it up completely here. Some of my tattoos are personal, things I wanted to get that mean something to me but aren't associated to a place. Others are the ones I've gotten 'on the job'. Those are the ones that I can never plan too much in advance. It has to be something that...I don't know...kind of 'ties' me to that place, if that makes sense."

"It does," I assured him. "What are some of the ones you have based on locations?"

He showed them to me, and described others that weren't visible. I wished I could see them, not just to put pictures to the beautiful way he described them, but to see more of him.

A small, intricate sea turtle to commemorate a small, beach front town on the Atlantic Ocean in Florida that was known for its conservation efforts for endangered sea turtles. He told me that he had spent a week with a marine biologist, taking pictures of turtle nests and photographing the process of going through newly hatched nests to catalog the eggs that had and hadn't hatched, and to save any baby turtles left behind. He showed me a photo, too, of an impossibly small sea turtle making its way into the ocean, with the sun rising on the horizon.

Another was a Fleur de Lis that he had gotten in St. Louis, where he had been on more than one occasion. That time, he told me, was during Mardi Gras. He said that he spent the weekend in and out of every bar he could find, taking portraits of anyone and everyone who would agree for a photo essay. He had gotten to hear some amazing life stories while he worked, and he still remembered some of them.

There was a delicate amber colored ribbon on his left elbow, and the story he told to accompany it brought tears to my eyes. He had gotten it in Bozeman, Montana, to honor a client who ended up passing away from appendiceal cancer. Her family had hired Edward to take family pictures, because she wanted them to have pictures of her before she lost her hair from her chemo treatments. Edward had stayed at their home with them, and had spent every morning sitting on the deck with her, having coffee and watching the sunrise over their ranch.

The detailed guitar from Nashville was accompanied by tiny music notes, which danced around the incredibly realistic rendering of a rough, raw gemstone done in North Carolina. Edward laughed at the small perfectly lifelike Georgia peach on his right forearm, because according to him, it was a little too stereotypical, but it really did perfectly capture the senior pictures he had done for a girl on the peach orchard that had belonged to her family for more generations than he could count.

"So...I _have_ been thinking about what I'd like to get here," Edward said as we walked out of the restaurant.

"Yeah?" I turned to him, interested.

"It kind of depends on if you think it's okay."

I hesitated, wondering what he could be talking about. I was surprised when he pulled up a picture on his phone of a map- the same map I had used to give him directions the day we had first met.

"What I would like is the coordinates of the meadow. Not only is it beautiful, but I'm thankful you shared it with me and allowed me to experience it, too. It's also a reminder of how some of the best places are coordinates on a map that you'd never know were so great- you have to go there to realize it."

"Of _course_ that's okay with me," I said immediately, totally awed. "That's...that's incredible, Edward. I'd be honored if you were to put that place on your skin permanently."

It didn't escape my mind for a moment that if he were to put those coordinates on his skin permanently, then in a way, _I_ would be a part of him permanently, too. And I'd be lying if I said that wasn't the biggest reason I said yes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

 **I'm spending my long holiday weekend being lazy, and I did already manage to squeeze in an extra chapter of** _ **Me and You**_ **yesterday, if you're reading that one, too. If you're not, check it out! Sixteen chapters in on that one and that has reached a turning point, too!**

 **Of course, as promised, this chapter is a turning point for** _ **this**_ **Edward and Bella as well!**

… …

I sat down in one of the wooden chairs in the lobby of the small tattoo shop, my eyes drawn to the vast array of artwork adorning the walls. There are the typical pictures of tattoos and outlines, but they are juxtaposed by soft, watercolor paintings.

"Can I help you?" I'm startled by a male voice, and my eyes dart over to the source. He was standing in the doorway leading further into the shop, wiping his hands on a paper towel.

"Oh, um, he's..." I trailed off, gesturing to Edward.

He stepped forward, holding his hand out to the man. "Hey, man. I was just wondering if you've got openings this afternoon. I'm looking to add a small piece to my sleeve."

"I'm Garrett." They shook hands, and I was mesmerized by the almost impossibly vibrant swirls of color that took up Garret's whole hand and forearm. It looked like an explosion of ink, and I had never seen anything like it. "I've got some time, if you want to talk about what you'd like. Shop minimum is $60."

"Fine by me. I want typeface, if you're good with that. Just coordinates to go right here." Edward rolled up his sleeve and indicated to the blank space directly below the crook of his arm,

They continued to talk about style and other specifics, then Edward handed over his drivers license and signed a consent form before Garrett gestured for us to follow him further into the shop. There were several doorways, and we followed him through the one all the way at the end of the hallway. It was a smaller space, but there was a chair for me to sit in. Edward sat on the chair in the middle, chatting with Garrett while he worked up a stencil.

"What do you think?" Edward held his arm out to me once the stencil was applied, his eyes searching mine. "Do you approve?"

"It looks great." I knew next to absolutely nothing about tattoos, but the plain black numbers looked simple enough. It was situated close enough to the detailed ivy design above it that blended in perfectly to the sleeve and looked like it already belonged there. "I love it."

"Good." Edward had a slight dimple in his left cheek that only came out when he was smiling really hard- and it was visible now as he grinned at me. "You don't want to get anything?" His tone was teasing, but I shivered as I watched Garrett effortlessly assemble the ink and tattoo gun.

"I don't think so."

I couldn't tear my eyes away as Garrett got to work, the buzzing of the tattoo gun filling my ears. It was a small tattoo, and he worked quickly, but I still couldn't imagine going through that myself. Edward just watched in silence, never flinching.

"Doesn't that hurt?" I blurted out my silly question before I could stop myself.

Garrett and Edward both chuckled, and I felt my cheeks burn. "It does hurt," Edward said gently. "But it's not bad. Especially for this- no shading or thick lines."

"It's kind of like a burning feeling," Garrett added. "And a lot of pressure. Some people have a higher tolerance than it for others. And most feel that the result is worth the pain."

He wiped at the pooled ink on Edward arm, then turned the machine off. "You're done, man." He and Edward continued to talk as he slapped gauze and tape over Edward's arm, and he admired the rest of Edward's tattoos. "Who's your regular artist?"

"I don't have one." Edward launched into a short explanation, and Garrett whistled.

"Wow. Well, your sleeves are fucking incredibly cohesive for being done by so many artists. Get a hold of me if you're ever back in the area- I'd love to do more work on them."

"Will do," Edward agreed. "Do you have a card?"

We filtered back to the front of the shop, where Edward paid in cash and accepted a card from Garrett. I hung back, but Edward turned to me when he was done and smiled. "All set?"

"Yeah," I said quickly, my eyes glued to the gauze on his arm. I loved his tattoos, and the fact that he had gotten something that seemed so personal to me made me love this one even more. But the thought of getting one of my own made me wince.

Once we were back in the car, Edward reached over to pop his glove compartment open, showing me the collection of cards that sat inside a ziploc bag.

"Wow," I said, wondering how many were in there- it looked like dozens, and it served as yet another reminder that Edward was a roamer, and that he liked it that way. "Do you ever go back to any of them?"

"I haven't yet, but I really would like to. I liked Garrett. This work was super simple, but I liked what I saw on his walls."

"Then you'll have to come back." I tried to sound nonchalant, but I knew I probably failed. The look Edward gave me told me that I definitely did.

"You think I should?"

I shrugged, turning to look out the window. "I'm your friend, aren't I? You could visit me. Unless...unless you do this everywhere."

"Hey." He spoke softly, but his tone was firm. "Look at me."

I did, and his green eyes searched mine. I wasn't sure what exactly he was looking for, but he seemed to find it.

He leaned over across the center console to kiss me before I even had a chance to close my eyes.

I had been kissed before, but never like this. Edward's hand came up to cup my cheek, and although the kiss was sweet, it was passionate. And it was over before I knew it.

But he kept his hand on my cheek and looked at me thoughtfully, like he wasn't quite sure what to make of me.

"Do it again."

He blinked in surprise, taken aback, but he leaned forward to honor my request.

This time, the kiss was longer, and I felt his tongue swipe across my bottom lip. I opened my mouth up to him and brought my hands up, tangling my fingers in his hair. He shifted in his seat like he wanted to get closer to me, but the center console remained in his way. Eventually his mouth left mine, but he pressed his forehead against mine and looked deep into the eyes.

It was intense, but I didn't look away.

Then he smiled slightly and pressed a soft kiss to my nose. I watched him as he settled back into his seat, and I shifted in my own. Where did we go from here?

Edward broke the silence, his voice low. "I have never felt like I had a reason to stay somewhere. But you're making it hard for me to leave here."

"Then don't."

It sounded so simple, but I knew it wasn't. Edward just shook his head, sighing. "It's not that easy, Bella. I _want_ to go. I just...I wish it was simpler."

I nodded, knowing it had been foolish for me to even suggest that. But then he grabbed one of my hands, squeezing tight. "Come with me."

"Edward…I can't. I have school, and, and…my life is here. I'm only eighteen, I can't just up and leave."

We abandoned the conversation, and although Edward never let go of my hand, we drove back to Forks mostly in silence.

… …

Edward had kissed me again in the darkness of the hotel parking lot back in Forks, not hesitating to unbuckle my seatbelt for me and pull me into his lap. I was surprised, but couldn't deny that it thrilled me. I was inexperienced, but he seemed to like what I was doing. I guess it was just instinct, and I loved the feeling of him under my hands.

He had his hands on my lower back, pressing me closer and closer until there was no space between us at all. But when I felt his hand go lower and slip under the waistband of my jeans, I pulled away. "Wait."

He stilled immediately, holding his hands up slightly. "What's wrong?"

"What are we doing?" I asked, resting my hands on his shoulders.

It was dark in the car, but I could see that his eyes were still dark and filled with lust. "What are we doing? Bella, we're…" he trailed off, kissing me again sweetly. His hands landed on my hips his time, and I stilled again when I felt him rocking against me.

"Edward."

With a sigh, he stopped again, resting his forehead against my shoulder. "Sorry."

"No, don't be. It's not that, it's just…" I hesitated, not wanting to admit to my inexperience but also scared by how badly I already wanted him.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Edward asked, kissing my shoulder twice before lifting his head to look at me. "Now that I know how… _irresistible_ you are, I don't want to stay away."

"Of course. We could go back to Third Beach…maybe find someplace a little more private."

I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn't resist, either.

… …

 **Like I said, I'm not doing much this holiday weekend so if I can manage another** _ **extra**_ **chapter of this story, too, I will! Maybe on Monday but no promises. I will update on Facebook if it's in the cards- my profile is (still) Cynosure Fanfic. Join me there, if you'd like!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Thanks for being here. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. Sorry that I couldn't fit in an extra update this time! My fiancé ended up getting offered a job and although I'm not involved in their negotiations, I was honestly on pins and needles since I heard! They're still at it, but it's nearing the end, apparently. He's spoiled- I was just thankful to be offered a job at all, and he gets to make demands! Jk, jk, he works really really hard I could never do what he does.**

 **Enjoy the chapter, and be sure to let me know your thoughts, if you wouldn't mind.**

… …

I was down the stairs and almost out the front door when I heard my mother's voice, loud and clear.

"Hold it!"

I hesitated for a moment, trying to gauge what the consequences would be if I just ignored her and took off. But then I heard my dad say my name, and I knew all bets were off.

Joining them in our small kitchen, I tried my best to look innocent. I _was_ innocent, after all. It's not like Edward and I were actually doing something wrong.

"Where are you running off to?" My mom was sitting at the breakfast table sipping coffee and reading a magazine while my dad was cooking what looked like oatmeal on the stove. My mom had never been the domestic type- cooking and cleaning were not here forte, but she filled our home with laughter and music and paintings, instead. She was an amazing artist, and sometimes I wondered how far that might have taken her if she had ever left this tiny town.

"I think I'm just going to go to Third Beach," I said. "You know...before it gets too rainy and cold."

"It's Sunday morning, Bell," she reminded me unnecessarily. "I thought we could have a family day today."

"We can have a family da _y next_ Sunday," I suggested. "I kind of already made plans for today."

My dad looked up from the pot on the stove, curious. "With who?"

"Just people from school," I lied, a little alarmed at how easily it came out.

"Hmm...is Mike Newton going to be there?" My mother's tone was sly, but my dad didn't look too pleased at the mention of a boy. "Carmen said Kate mentioned that he asked you to homecoming."

"He did, but I didn't say yes."

And that was the truth- Mike had passed me a note in AP Calc asking me to the dance, and I turned him down with a shake of the head. He hadn't seemed too upset, though- I'd seen him pass another note to Jessica Stanley a few minutes later.

There was nothing wrong with Mike. He was a nice kid. Smart, sometimes funny. Not totally unfortunate looking. And I had known him for almost my entire life- we were even in the same preschool class. Mike was fine. But he wasn't Edward. And even before the kisses Edward and I had exchanged yesterday, I was not interested in anyone else. I knew I was playing with fire, but it was intoxicating. I was overcome with something powerful, something that I didn't even know how to put into words.

It was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time, and I would hold onto that feeling for years.

... ...

"I thought you might bail on me."

Edward was leaning against his car when I pulled up next to him, smoking a cigarette. Unlike almost every other time I'd seen him, he wasn't wearing a hat. His hair was wild and tousled by the wind coming off the water, and his cheeks were ruddy. He was beautiful.

"Never," I said through my open window, not bothering to hold back my grin. At this point, he had to know how I felt about him, so what was the point in being shy?

He reached over and opened my car door for me, brushing a kiss across my cheek as he did so. It was so casual, yet it meant so much to me.

We chatted as we walked across the shoreline, and it wasn't all that different from the first time we had come here. The change in our dynamic seemed comfortable; natural. I was attracted to him, but that wasn't all. My crush had blossomed into more, and was only egged on by the physical things. But he was also a friend, and brought out parts of me I hadn't know existed. Everything about him was fascinating to me, and I craved more.

But I also knew that he was leaving, and that he would never really stop leaving places. It was a part of him, and who he was. It had been unfair of me to ask him to stay here, but it had also been unfair of _him_ to ask me to leave with him when he knew it wasn't that simple. Even though my life here was small, it was everything to me. Just like traveling was a huge part of him, Forks was a huge part of me.

Yes, I wanted to travel and see more than just this tiny town. But I also feared what else was out there. Forks was small, and it could be suffocating. But it was also safe and familiar.

"You look like you're thinking pretty hard."

Edward's voice was teasing, but he looked at me with a little concern. "Everything okay?"

"Of course. Just enjoying this beautiful view."

And it was beautiful, just like it always was. It was also starting to rain harder than the light mist that had been coming down earlier, so we decided to make a run for it back to our cars.

Our cars were alone in the lot, so I shouldn't have been surprised when Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard. I walked backwards until I felt his car behind me, and pulled him even closer. The rain continued to fall harder, and when I fumbled to find the handle to the backseat of his car, he didn't stop me.

I practically fell back onto the seat, but I reached out immediately, needing him to join me.

Our touches were electrifying and I found myself feeling desperate, trying to feel all of him at once.

"Is this okay?" He had to pull his mouth away from mine to get the question out, and I felt one of his hands slid down my side and slip under my shirt. I nodded and tried to kiss him again, but that wasn't enough for him. "Tell me it's okay."

"It is," I said desperately, my chest heaving. "Touch me, touch me..."

He did, pulling my shirt up and over my head. He touched me everywhere, but it still wasn't enough.

I reached down and unbuttoned my jeans. Edward halted for a moment, looking down at me. "It's okay," I whispered. He helped me pull my jeans of, but didn't touch my underwear. And I was okay with that, because as much as I wanted to be consumed by him, I knew that I wasn't ready for sex. Yesterday, even though things hadn't gone far, they had moved fast and it had mostly been on Edward's part. And it was because of that, I think, that he was more hesitant today. He was letting me lead, and although I was almost positive he didn't know how inexperienced I was, I appreciated it.

We continued to kiss, and somehow, the sound of the pouring rain outside calmed me. I knew this was where I wanted to be, and what I wanted to be doing. And only with Edward.

He let me pulled his shirt off, and like always, I was entranced by the ink covering his skin. Except for tattoos on his shoulders that crept to the side and up towards his neck, his torso was free of tattoos, but it wasn't any less appealing. I wished that I could sit and memorize every single picture that was important enough to Edward for him to have it permanently on his skin, because then I would really, really know him.

Edward's jeans were still on, and with his leg wedged between mine, I was starting to breath even heavier and rock against him more. He seemed to notice, kissing me harder and pressing back against me.

I reached down for his hand and moved it down from my side to my underwear, and he paused again.

"Are you sure, Bella? I don't want to push you."

"I'm sure."

He rubbed over my underwear for a moment, but when it became increasingly apparent that I was already wet, he slipped his hand inside, and one finger entered me.

It didn't seem possible that we hadn't known each other for very long, because he seemed to know exactly what I wanted and needed.

And I didn't care about the noises I was making, even though no one else had ever heard me like this before. I couldn't find it in myself to be embarrassed about this- not with him.

He moved his hand faster, making me toss my head back. But he didn't relent, never stopping. I could feel an orgasm fast approaching, but when he slipped another finger in unexpectedly…and then another, I tensed up immediately and felt myself wince.

Edward stopped instantly, his green eyes searching mine.

I wanted to cry when he pulled his hand away and gently straightened my underwear.

"Bella, are you a virgin?"

I felt my cheeks flame, but there was no point in lying about it. "Um…yeah," I admitted. "But that doesn't mean I wanted you to stop. It was just…too much. You can keep going."

He sat up abruptly, pulling me upwards with him. "C'mere," he groaned, pulling me onto his lap. I was confused about what he was doing until he situated me so that I was straddling his leg again, the rough denim of his jeans pressing against me.

Our kisses were slower now, almost languid, but he rested his hands on my hips and helped me move against him. I had never done this before, but I could see what people meant when they said it was natural. With him, it was instinctual. It was almost better than before, and I was quickly back where I had left off.

I crushed my lips against his as I came, sweaty and moaning. He was the first person other than myself to ever give me an orgasm, and it didn't disappoint.

Much later, he had told me that that day had been even more of a turning point for him. He said that right then and there, it had really hit him that he would be leaving just a few weeks later, and didn't know if or when he would ever be back.

He also said that he was afraid of me becoming yet another vice for him, and that he was afraid I would be the one to finally destroy him.

… …

 **Decided that we were past due for meeting Bella's parents! No real reason behind that, they just didn't pop up until now. So, I'm sure it's obvious that Bella is kind of telling this story from the future. And I'm not going to spoil anything except to say that my stories always have and always will end with a HEA.**

 **What do you think about how Bella and Edward are progressing? Edward was moving a little too fast last chapter, so he's a little more cautious now. He knows that he's leaving, and he's known all along that she had a major crush.**

 **See you next week for chapter eight!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the late update! I was back in St. Louis with my fiancé, attempting to pack as he prepares to move here. He doesn't come until the middle of August, but miraculously we did manage to get almost everything packed up that we needed too. Next chapter will be on time- no plans this coming weekend!**

 **This chapter is entirely in Edward's point of view. It is also a short chapter- purposefully. This is Bella's story, but we need to hear a little from Edward.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

… …

I took another drag of my cigarette, not turning around when I heard the sliding glass door open behind me.

Alice joined me at the railing, looking out from the small balcony off of our hotel room and down into the nearly empty parking lot. She let me remain in silence for a little while, but it didn't last long.

"I thought you were cutting back."

I shrugged, flicking ash down over the railing before jamming the cigarette back into my mouth. "Feeling vulnerable," I finally admitted.

"Maybe we should go now." Alice studied me, and I saw the worry in her eyes. "Spend some extra time in California...take a little vacation."

"I don't want to go. Not yet."

"That's a first. You always want to go."

I shrugged, finally stubbing out my cigarette. "I think there's more here."

Alice nodded. "She's just a girl, Edward."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

I didn't. She wasn't just a girl. I didn't know what it was about Bella Swan, but she was making me question everything. She was making it hard for me to leave, and I hated that.

"She's in high school, Edward. She should be off limits."

"I know that," I repeated. And this time, I really did know that. But for some reason it didn't seem to make a difference. "I'm surprised _you_ want to leave." I thought about Jasper, and how my stepsister hadn't shut up about him from the first moment she'd seen him. That wasn't like Alice, either. Something about this place had a strong effect on both of us.

"Well..." she peeked over at me, and I saw her cheeks were pink. "He said he would visit me, and that I can visit him. And then...I dunno, he said he wouldn't mind coming to Chicago."

Alice was lucky. Maybe she was just as twisted up about Jasper as I was about Bella, but it was different for them.

I started to get into my back pocket for another cigarette, but Alice grabbed my arm. "Stop it." She scowled, shaking her head. "You know you traded one addiction for the other? And both could kill you."

"At least with these, it'll take a few years."

"We should take in Chicago for a while," she said firmly. I started to protest, but she cut me off again.

"How long has it been since you went to a meeting?"

She had me there- it had been too long and she knew it.

"A year. Maybe two."

"Closer to two, Edward."

I sighed, slinging my arm around her neck and pulling her close so that I could kiss the top of her head. "What would I do without you, Alice?"

I knew that eventually, I'd find out. She wouldn't follow me around the country forever. Actually, I was surprised she had lasted this long and I wasn't looking forward to the day when she would decide that she'd had enough.

When I had first started off on my journey, I had been alone. But it wasn't lonely, because I had always been a people person and it was easy for me to connect with my clients. I also cherished time alone, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. A car accident in Iowa had led to a slight back injury. It was nothing major, but the doctor in the emergency room had prescribed me minor pain killers.

It had been shockingly easy for things to escalate, and it also was surprisingly simple to get a hold of stronger pain pills. It was only later that I learned about my biological father and his struggles with drug addiction before his death. Addiction vulnerability is complex, and I knew that my mother never expected that to be an issue for me. She had blamed herself for a while, thinking that I would have been more careful if I had known about my father.

I had been in Missouri when I overdosed, and Alice had been the first one to get to the hospital in Kansas City. She sat by my bedside, alone, for hours before my mom and stepdad could get there. Afterwards, Alice didn't want to leave me. She grew to love the job, but we both knew that the biggest reason she stayed was for me.

Getting clean had been hard. Harder than anything I've ever done. Withdrawal and cravings were no joke, and sometimes I still woke up in a cold sweat remembering that awful time.

I'd been clean for four years- sometimes it felt like forever, and sometimes it felt like no time at all. Cravings still came. I missed the feeling, and sometimes it felt like I was dying of thirst. Cigarettes helped- a little. They helped take the edge off, but usually, smoking was little more than a bad habit. Now that I was smoking more and more heavily, Alice had noticed and her guard was up. She had put up with a lot from me, but she couldn't handle a relapse. Neither could I.

I thought about Bella, how beautiful she was and how innocent. But she was also…fascinating. Something about her drew me in, and wouldn't let go. I could photograph her for hours and not be satisfied- every single time I looked at her, I felt like I discovered something new. Every time I thought I might have her memorized, another part of her emerged.

She had the lightest dusting of freckles across her cheeks and over the bridge of her nose.

There was a slight streak of grey in her hair, coming down from her left temple. It was only noticeable in certain light, and only if you looked very closely.

She was left-handed.

Three freckles dotted her right hand, on the space between her thumb and her pointer finger.

Her bottom lip was just slightly fuller than her top lip.

And even though I had already noticed all of that, I felt like there was still so much to discover. I'd never felt that way about another person before. It had only been a few weeks, but I already knew that she held my interest like no one else ever had or could.

Every conversation taught me more about her.

She was an only child.

Unsure of what she wanted to study in school, she had planned to go to community college first.

Rosalie and Kate were practically her siblings.

And then there was more still that I just… _knew_ about her.

She had talent- real talent. It needed a little fine tuning, but she would be able to do great things, once she put her mind to it and learned how to harness that talent and turn it into something more tangible.

And there was something about her that would make her impossible to forget.

… …

 **Hope you liked that little glimpse into Edward's mind and his messy past. He definitely has a lot going on…but still burns for Bella.**

 **Yes- she is burning more. Her crush is stronger, and she's in much more likely a position to really get hurt. But Edward is not immune, and he knows this is a slippery slope.**

 **See you on Friday for the next (normal length!) chapter : )**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, everyone! I'm kind of trying to get a jump on this and am going to try and not stick to the update schedule right now- meaning I'm attempting to post more often though, not less often! That applies to this story, but mostly my other story,** _ **Me and You**_ **. So hopefully we'll have some more frequent updates over the next week or two.**

 **Thanks for reading, as always!**

… …

"I was kind of surprised when you texted me," I admitted, playing with one of the straps of my book bag. I had just gotten home from school, and Edward had asked if we could walk to the meadow.

He smiled, but he looked distracted. I saw the bags under his eyes and wondered if he had been sleeping.

It had only been five days since we had seen each other at Third Beach, but I had to admit it had hurt a little bit not to hear from him afterwards. That had been the furthest I had ever gone with a boy, and to me, it felt special. He obviously was more experienced, and I worried that it meant nothing to him.

But now he was walking alongside me, and even though he looked tired, he was here and smiling at me.

"I finished Kate's pictures today." He peeked over at me, fumbling for his lighter.

"Oh."

He yawned, then looked over at me again as he lit up a cigarette. "Sorry, I'm kind of tired. I've been in a rush to finish those pictures. But I really did want to see you today."

"So...you're done?"

Edward was quiet for a minute, then grabbed my arm. "Yeah, I'm done with Kate's pictures. But I'm not leaving."

"Not yet." I pulled my arm away slightly, continuing down the familiar path.

Maybe once we got there, it would all be okay. It was a special place, after all. Nothing bad happened there.

But Edward stopped me again, his grip on my arm more firm this time.

"I can't stay, Bella. I have a job in California...and I need to get back to Chicago after that. But that doesn't mean it's easy for me to leave. More than anything, I wish you could just come with me. You're talented, you know. You might feel like you know nothing about photography, but you have an eye for it and with a little practice, you'd be great."

"I can't-"

He cut me off, shaking his head. "I know you can't, Bella. Believe me, I know. It was unfair of me to even _ask_ , or to put the idea in your head."

I stepped closer to him, my hand reaching for his. For a moment, it seemed like he would pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he intertwined our fingers and pulled me even closer. "I know you can't," he repeated. "But I wish you could."

"What is this, Edward? What are we doing?"

"I...I don't know. I've never felt like this before...I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't expect this. But I feel something for you and I stop it. I knew you had a crush on me right away. I could tell that first day, and I didn't think very much of it. It wasn't until we were in the meadow that I realized you were already completely under my skin."

Without another thought, I closed the remaining distance between us and kissed him. He was so much taller than me that I had to stand on my tiptoes, but after a few moments, he reacted, wrapping his arms around me and hoisting me up so that I could reach. I didn't even notice that he was moving, but suddenly felt rough tree bark against my back.

I just kissed him harder, hoping that I could pour every feeling that I had for him into this. But it seemed like he was holding back, as much as I tried to take things further. Eventually, though, things slowed, and we returned to reality.

"Will you keep in touch?" Edward asked, pressing his forward to mine. "Please."

"Of course." I was thrilled that he had asked, and I'm sure the smile on my face showed it. But I didn't care if it was obvious- I _wanted_ him to know how I felt. I wanted him to know that this was no longer just a crush for me.

Later, I would realize how one-sided things had been back then. Edward told me that he felt like he knew me- really knew me, and that he thought he saw things in me that no one else did. And maybe that was true. But really, I hardly knew anything about him

... ...

It was raining harder by the time we got to the meadow, but like always, I didn't care. I didn't even bother pulling the hood of my jacket up over my head, instead letting the rain fall down on me.

Edward was fumbling with his camera, and it felt like he was seeing everything else, except me. But then when he did turn his eyes, and the lenses, towards me, I knew. He saw me. He saw me like no one ever had, and in a way that no one else ever would.

"Maybe I could go to school in Chicago. It's still early. I could fill out some applications and send them in within a week. I don't have to make any decisions until December."

The words came out, but even I knew how that wouldn't solve any problems.

"I don't live in Chicago, Bella," Edward said gently. "I wish it was that simple. But I don't spend any more time in Chicago than I do anywhere else."

"You said you wanted to open your own studio. Where?"

He shrugged, his eyes back to his camera. "I do. I don't know where, though. And that dream is a long way off. I want it, but I'm not ready to put down roots."

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at him, and I didn't bother to wipe them away. "Will you ever be?"

Edward pulled me into a hug, and I felt his lips press against the top of my head. "I hope so."

... ...

I squinted at the screen on my phone, having been woken up by it vibrating. It was almost two o'clock in the morning, and Edward was calling.

"Hello?" I answered in a whisper, hoping my parents were both fast asleep.

"Can you come here?"

"What?" I checked the time again, making sure I had seen it correctly the first time. Yep- 1:49 am.

"Bella, please come here."

I hesitated for a moment, unsure of what was going on. "Is something wrong?"

"I need to see you."

"Okay. Okay, I'll-"

The line went dead, and I frowned. My heart was pounding and I was still hazy from sleep, so it took me a moment to realize what was going on. I pulled a sweatshirt on over the tank top and yoga pants that I had worn to bed and started to exit my room, then froze. My dad was the police chief and had always been a light sleeper. He woke up any time I went down the hallway, even if it was just to use the bathroom or get a drink of water.

I hesitated for a moment, then went to my window, instead. When I was younger, I would sit on the stepped roof below my window sometimes. I had never gone down, but I couldn't imagine it would be that difficult. I opened the window and slid out onto the portion of roof below it. From there, I could easily reach the railing of the porch fence with my feet and lower myself to the ground.

The sound of my truck starting could wake the dead, so instead I grabbed my bike from where it was propped against the shed on the side of the house and took off without another thought.

With Forks being such a small town, it didn't take me long at all to reach to the only hotel- the one Edward and Alice were staying at. I leaned my bike against Edward's Volvo in the parking lot, and quickly went inside. I remembered which room they were staying in, but even if I hadn't, Edward had left the door propped open.

I went inside, and Edward was sprawled out on the bed.

"Bella," he breathed out, sitting up quickly. "You came."

"I said I would. Are you okay?"

He nodded, and I looked around the room. "Where's Alice, Edward?"

"With Jasper."

I saw a glass bottle on the nightstand, and I stepped closer. "Edward, are you drunk?"

He shrugged.

"What am I doing here, Edward? I had to sneak out of my house."

"But you came."

Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me closer. I stood in front of him, and he looked at me for a long time. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

I placed my hands on his shoulders, studying his face. I wanted to make sure that nothing was wrong. But he pulled me down onto his lap, kissing me, before I even realized what was happening.

I kissed him back, and this was different than earlier this afternoon. He wasn't holding back like he had then, and he didn't stop me when I slid my hands under his shirt. I stepped back, breathing heavily, to look at him.

He was gorgeous, and right now, it was almost like he was _mine_.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Edward said suddenly, but I leaned down and kissed him again. "Bella, I-"

"Shh," I whispered, watching him as he watched me. I pulled my sweatshirt off, dropping it to the floor without a second thought. His eyes flicked up to mine, but then down again when I started to pull my tank top up over my head.

"Bella..."

"No one else has ever seen me like this," I said quietly. But I wasn't embarrassed- I _wanted_ him to see me. He was the first, and even though I knew how foolish it was to hope, I wanted him to be the last, too.

My yoga pants joined the pile of clothes on the floor, and I saw Edward swallow thickly.

"We shouldn't."

"Shh," I said again, crawling back into his lap. "Edward, I _want_ you to see me. I want you to touch me and kiss me, I want-"

"Bella, wait. It shouldn't be like this-"

I sat back slightly, looking him in the eye. "Do you want to stop? Because I don't."

He hesitated, but answered me with a kiss.

Unsure of where my newfound confidence had come from, I reached down for the waistband of his pants. I fumbled with the clasp, and Edward reached down and caught my hand in his. He seemed like he was going to say something, but never did, and let go of my hands.

I could taste liquor on his tongue as we kissed again, and I straddled him on the bed. His hands came to rest on the waistband of my underwear, but didn't go any further.

We went back to kissing, and when I reached for his belt one more time. This time, though, he really did stop me. "Stop it," he said, sitting up and pushing me away from him.

He didn't so do roughly, but I stared at him in shock. I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head, his chest heaving.

"We should not be doing this," he said, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck, Bella, get dressed!"

Edward stood up, and started to pace.

"We're not doing anything wrong!" I fumbled for my clothes, suddenly deeply embarrassed.

I had never let someone in like this, and it hurt to be shut down. I felt tears sting my eyes, and I just let them fall. "Edward-"

"I feel something for you, Bella. I don't understand it and I have no idea what I can do about it, but I'm not going to do this at two o'clock in the morning in some hotel room, when I've been drinking."

He grabbed the bottle off of the nightstand after he spoke, finishing it off. "Fuck." He fell back onto the bed, covering his face with his hands. "I'm not going to do this. Not when I'm leaving in four days."

I stopped at stared, still only half dressed. "Four days? You're leaving in less than a week?"

"I have to go, Bella."

"Come back after California."

I knew that he wouldn't, but I had to ask. But that didn't mean it hurt for him to say no.

"Bella, I _can't."_

He stood up, cupping my face in his hands and looking down at me. The smell of alcohol was stronger now, and I hadn't been able to see it before, but his eyes were bloodshot and glassy. "I'm leaving because I have to. But I don't want to let you go. Even if…I mean, I understand if you find someone else. But please, don't just forget about me."

"I won't," I assured him, crying. "I can't, Edward."

"Call me, whenever you have a minute. I'll the same." He was talking quickly, his words running together. But he was persistent. "I want to hear about everything, and I'll tell you everything, too. I'll take pictures for you, and I want you to take pictures for me."

"Will you ever come back?" I asked, resting my head against his chest."

I felt him stiffen, but then his arms wrapped around me. "I will. I promise."

… …

 **Mmmmm does anybody sense the time jump that's coming?!**

 **Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Planning on another update this weekend : )**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for reading! Time jump coming after this one, and Bella will still be our primary storyteller. Might hear a little more from Edward after the jump!**

 **Let me know what you think of the chapter.**

… …

"So…" Rosalie propped herself up on her elbows, her eyes full of curiosity. "Did you?"

I shook my head, feeling my cheeks flame red. "No. He…um, he stopped it."

" _He_ stopped?!"

"Yeah."

"I still can't believe something has been going on between you and Edward Cullen this whole time and you never said a word about it to us."

My eye flicked over to Kate, but she didn't react. She had known about my crush, and had warned me against it. But now so much more had happened- it just wasn't the same situation anymore.

"I mean, at first it was nothing," I explained. "I just had a crazy crush and I never imagined that he would reciprocate. And then everything just happened so fast from there."

"Bella, were you really ready to have sex with him?" Rosalie asked in a hushed whisper.

I paused for a moment. That was the same exact question I had been asking myself for the past two days.

"I wanted him to know me like no one else ever has."

"Bella…" Kate frowned slightly. "He's leaving. I have absolutely no doubt that your feelings are real, but what are you going to do now? You've never had to deal with anything like this before."

I knew what she was saying, and she was right. I'd never even had a real boyfriend before. Even though Edward had all but begged me to stay in touch, I had no idea what long distance would be like.

And there was that nagging feeling I had- knowing that Edward seemed to know everything about me while I knew very little about him in return. I still felt a connection between us- that was undeniable. But while he had been incredibly open with me about some things, I felt like he was keeping large parts of himself shrouded in secrecy. I didn't know whether or not he was doing it on purpose, but it didn't exactly bode well for us that he was such a mystery.

… …

Alice saw me first as I approached. They were both loading up Edward's car, and she nudged Edward.

He turned and saw me, and the smile slid off of his face. "Hey."

"Hi."

All three of us stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Edward looked over at Alice. "Could you give us a minute?"

Once she walked away, he reached for me, and I couldn't deny him.

"You're leaving?" I asked, gripping his hand in mine. "Now?"

"Tomorrow. I was planning on talking to you tonight."

I nodded, trying to fight off tears. "Well, here I am now, so there's no need. It was nice to meet you, Edward. Have a nice life."

I let go of his hand and turned away, but he caught my arm. "Don't be like that, please."

"Please _what_ , Edward? You're leaving. Look, it's not your fault. You were honest from the start- you were never going to stay. I don't know why I let myself fall for you, because really, this was always the only possible why things could have gone- you leaving, and me left in the dust."

"You think this isn't hard for me, too? This was supposed to be just a job. I never expected to show up here and have knock me off my feet. But this is my career. I come and go. It's the only thing I've ever been good at, and it's the only thing that has made me feel purposeful. But now _you_ make me feel like I have a purpose, and it's fucking killing me to be pulled in two different directions like this.

His chest was heaving, and he still looked miserable. But the way he looked at me told me that he really did feel the same way about me as I felt about him.

But that wouldn't help us now.

"I meant what I said," Edward continued, more calm now. "Even if I can't have you the way I want to, losing you completely would hurt even worse. You promised me that you would keep in touch. Does that promise still stand?"

I thought about it for a moment, trying to decide which would hurt worse. Surely a clean break would hurt less than dragging it out. Maybe we could keep it up from weeks, maybe even months, but then what?

We'd only had a matter of weeks together. In the grand scheme of things, that was such a small amount of time, but so much had happened. Now we wouldn't see each other for God knows how long, and things would change.

"Maybe it would be better if we didn't-"

"Bella, no." Edward interrupted me swiftly, shaking his head. "I can't just stop talking to you. Please…"

I wiped at my eyes, wishing he didn't have to see me cry. "What _happened_ the other night, Edward?"

If he was thrown off by my sudden change of subject, he didn't show it. "Bella, I'm very sorry about the other night. I shouldn't have called you- shouldn't have put you in that position."

"But you did."

He hung his head. "Yeah, I did. Because I felt like I wouldn't be able to get through the night without seeing you. And then you actually came…and I wanted nothing more than for you to know how I felt- how I _feel_ about you. And I hoped that maybe you felt the same way."

"I did. I mean, I do," I said quietly. "Why…"

"Why did I stop you?"

I nodded.

"Because I already knew that I was leaving early. And because I had been drinking. It just wasn't right. It shouldn't have been like that, Bella."

"Okay."

"I wanted to. You said you wanted me to see you like no one else ever has- well, I already do. And it means so much to me that you wanted to give me that."

"I'm going to miss you, Edward."

He smiled sadly, and pulled me close for a hug. I melted into his embrace, trying to take it all in and commit this to my memory.

One last kiss, and then I walked way.

… …

Edward left the next morning, but I couldn't bring myself to go and say goodbye again.

He called the following day while I was in school, leaving a long message about the things he had seen so far on the road. I called him back that night we talked for hours, until I fell asleep with his voice in my ear.

It worried me how much I already missed him, and I threw myself into school and the comfort of my best friends. Rosalie, Kate, and I fell into a routine of sleepovers every Friday night, and as many day trips as we could fit in on Saturdays and Sundays. I had always been a good student, but now I was doing better than ever before as I worked harder and harder.

Everything else in my life was going so well, you might even say it was perfect. It certainly felt perfect at times, so I didn't understand the sadness I sometimes felt, or why a few days without talking to Edward on the phone made me feel so small.

He sent postcards- one from Oregon and a few from California at first, and then from Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, and Iowa, until eventually one came from Chicago.

I had put a small map up on my wall, sticking push pens in whenever he sent a new postcard. I traced his route with my fingertips over and over again, until it really sunk in how far away he was. The back of his postcards were always crammed with words, telling me anything and everything. I read them each a thousand times, until I could picture all the things he described in nearly perfect detail. I even sent him a postcard of my own from Forks, but I couldn't think of the right things to say, so it remained blank except for the address.

He didn't call quite as often after a while, but although the calls were more spaced out, they were longer.

But on Christmas day, I missed him so much that I couldn't bear to hear his voice, and so I sent his call to voicemail. A postcard arrived almost exactly a week later, from a town in Michigan I had never heard of. I marked the spot on my map, but threw the postcard in with the others without reading it.

Alice had been in Forks for Christmas and New Years to be with Jasper, but I hadn't seen her. I had stayed away on purpose, knowing that if I did see her, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking a million questions about Edward. Rosalie told me that Alice had asked about me, but luckily she left shortly after the first the year.

She had told Rosalie that she had Edward were headed to the east coast next, so I wasn't surprised when I received a postcard from Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Maryland. Then he sent one from Washington D.C. He told me about the redwood tree tattoo he had gotten in California, and the Japanese cherry blossom in D.C.

He described them perfectly, and I could picture them on his arm. I thought about the tattoo he had gotten in Port Angeles, and I wondered if it would get lost in the shuffle.

My parents were furious when I went to Port Angeles for the day with Kate and Rosalie and came back with that same tattoo on my wrist, but I didn't care.

After that, I stopped reading his postcards again and only marked them on my map.

In March, he called in the middle of the night. The call woke me, but I just stared at the display on my phone and didn't answer.

He left a voicemail, but I didn't work up the courage to listen to it for almost a week.

"Hey, Bella. It's me. I'm sorry to call so late, but I can't sleep and all I can think about is you. It's been a while since we talked, and I miss you very much. I think about you sometimes- no, I think about you all the time and how much I wish things were different. Call me back when you can. I really need to hear your voice."

I didn't call him back, and another four days went by before he called again. I thought about answering him, but I couldn't see how it would benefit either of us to keep dragging this out. I was exhausted and I didn't know how much longer I could do this. So I didn't answer, but I did listen to his voicemail.

"Hey. Is everything okay? I hope it is. It's just been a while since I've heard from you. It's been hard lately, but I still think of you often. I just…I want to make sure that you're okay with me calling? I don't know if you want me to anymore. I'll stop, if you want. I just would like to hear it from you."

He sent a letter later that month- a thick envelope that had been posted in Edwardsville, Illinois.

I threw it in the drawer with all of the postcards and marked Edwardsville on the map.

And I didn't see Edward for another five years.

… …

 **Well, there's our time jump! Next chapter will take place five years in the future. Bella will be twenty three. I'm hoping for an extra update next week but have no definite plans yet. My fiancé is coming up this weekend so I'll be MIA until Monday or Tuesday.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey all! Sorry about the delays. Had a wedding to go to and my birthday this weekend, so it's been pretty crazy. But here we are! We leave for vacation this Friday- but I'm hoping to update before then even if it's early. I'll have my laptop with me on the trip so there's always the possibility of more updates then.**

 **So, five year time jump. Also, I just want to point out that Bella said she didn't see Edward over these five years- I very specifically did** _ **not**_ **say they didn't talk. Just keep that in mind.**

 **Thanks for reading, as always, and to those who wished me a happy birthday.**

… …

I twisted the ring on my finger, lost in thought.

Sometimes, the way my life had ended up going was still surreal to me. At eighteen, I'd had no idea what I would end up doing. Photography had, for a while, seemed like the path I would end up traveling. And while I was still passionate about it, photography was often a painful reminder and eventually, I could no longer bear the wounds becoming fresh again every time I looked through the camera lens. So then I had felt a little lost, and entirely unsure.

Now here I was, twenty three years old, about to start law school, and with my whole life ahead of me.

"Are you ready to-"

I turned around to face him just in time to see the slightly annoyed look leave his face and be replaced with a stunning smile. "Wow. You look beautiful, babe."

I thanked him, but couldn't stop myself from looking in the mirror again, self-consciously running my hands over the sides of my black dress. Kate had helped me pick it out the weekend before I'd left Seattle, but now I wasn't sure about it. As I fretted, didn't see him pull the jewelry box from his suit jacket and take the necklace out until he was already draping it around my neck.

My breath caught in my throat for a moment, stunned both by the beauty of the necklace and the generosity of the gift. "You shouldn't have, I-"

"I know," he said with a laugh as he fastened the clasp. "But I wanted to. I know Chicago was far from your first choice, but the fact that you came here for me means everything. I love you, Bella."

I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He was so much taller than me, but leaned down to meet my kiss. "Thank you," I whispered, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "And I love you, too."

He was right. Chicago was one of the last places I had wanted to move to. But we had both been accepted into law school at the University of Chicago. Given that we were both from Washington State and had met during our time at Washington University, Chicago seemed like an odd choice.

But Alec Volturi III came from a long line of lawyers- well respected ones, at that, and the family firm would be opening an office in Chicago later this year. That office would eventually be led by Alec and his older sister, Jane. And with the University of Chicago ranking as the number four law school in the country…that was that. As soon as we had both been accepted, Alec's father had bought our new apartment on Lake Shore Drive, and the plans were all in place.

I still wasn't adjusted to the extravagance, even though everyone had insisted that I would get used to it. It had, after all, been almost three years now. I had gone to community college first, and took three years to complete my associates degree as I also worked part time in the school's library to save up for university. I had then transferred to the University of Washington for my final two years, where Kate was already a student. She took me under her wing, and although it wasn't quite the same as having Rosalie there, too, she made Seattle almost feel like home.

Kate's boyfriend, Garrett, had introduced me to Alec, who was one of his fraternity brothers. That had been homecoming weekend of my first year there, and we had become fast friends. Alec had asked me out on a date several times, but I had always hesitated because I valued my friendship and didn't know if I felt that way about him. Eventually I decided to give him a chance, and I had been surprised at how _easy_ it was.

No worries about distance or age differences made our relationship feel relaxed, and Alec's persistence had made me feel so wanted.

There were some butterflies, but mostly due to the fact that I still had very little experience. Alec was safe, and I never had to be nervous or worry about how he felt for me. I always knew that he liked, and then loved, me.

And for him, he never deviated from the plan. According to Alec, I had become a part of his plan since the day we met. He said that even then, he had known that he wanted to be a part of his future. I had known that and loved him for it, but he told me again when he was down on one knee with a ring in his hand. Knowing that he not only loved me, but that he had been planning a future for himself that had always included me, made it very easy to say yes.

The very public proposal had been at his graduation party, held at the country club his family had belonged to for generations, and an announcement had been published in the newspaper the following Sunday. There was no air of secrecy; no hiding. Everything was out in the open, just like it had always been for us.

"The car is waiting downstairs."

Alec's words brought me back down to earth, and I checked the watch on my wrist. It was almost seven o'clock- time to meet Jane for dinner. We hurried downstairs and into the car, and I couldn't stop myself from gazing out the windows in awe. This was certainly nothing like Forks, but even Seattle couldn't quite compare. This city had an entirely different feel to it, and I loved the rush of excitement at the prospect of discovering a whole new world here.

"What's that smile on your face for?"

Alec was looking at me with a curious smile, and pulled me closer to his side.

"I'm just excited to explore." I had to crane my neck to see out the windows now. "This city looks so incredible."

"I don't know how much exploring you'll get done- school starts in a few weeks."

"We still have plenty of time, and then there's weekends and off days and holidays-"

"To explore the library, maybe. Or the inside of our textbooks." His tone was teasing, and he pressed a kiss to the side of my head, but I still frowned.

Alec _was_ a bit of a homebody, and I knew he was nervous about starting school, but even if he wasn't able to find time for new adventures, I would.

Jane had already been seated when we got to the restaurant, and her face was pinched when we joined her. "You're late,' she said after she had kissed her brother's cheek and then mine.

We _were_ late, but just barely. Only a few minutes had passed since the time we had previously agreed on, but I had learned by now that the Volturi's were all sticklers for punctuality. Luckily, it all seemed forgotten when Jane reached for my left hand. "The family ring really does look beautiful on you, Bella." She smiled, fiddling with the ring. I pulled my hand away after a moment, but smiled.

"Thank you. It's very beautiful, and I'm honored to wear it."

The ring was an heirloom, but Alec had told me that Jane lusted after the size of the canary yellow diamond more than the sentimental factor. I, on the other hand, loved it to pieces just because it was from Alec and also because it had a long history. Jane was three years older than her brother- two years older than I was, but she had always come off as much older than she was. Not in a bad way, either. She was just very polished and refined, much like their mother and aunt were. She had been a part of their family's firm in Seattle, and was now preparing to take her boards to practice here in Illinois. Alec and Jane were so serious about their futures that I was honestly surprised they had wanted to plan a dinner tonight- I would have thought they'd already be in hibernation mode.

"Have you decided where the wedding will be?"

"Oh…"

I peeked over at Alec, who gave me a small smile. We weren't ready to plan a wedding, and we always griped to each other about how often we were asked about it. Of course, being engaged implied that we'd start soon, but it had seemed like common sense to wait until we had at least some of law school under our belts before getting into all the stress.

"We're about to have a lot going on, Jane. It doesn't really feel like the time to be planning the whole wedding," Alec explained for me.

"Oh, you know Mom has already put a call into the best wedding planners! You won't have to do any work at all…other than deciding if it'll be here, or back in Seattle."

Right after Alec had proposed, we _had_ discussed this briefly. I had wanted to get married at the small church in Forks where my parents and grandparents had been married, and while Alec had understood, he had pointed out that there was no way his huge family and all the other people his family knew who would be invited to the wedding would fit into that church, or even be able to stay in Forks or the surrounding area.

"Seattle, I think," Alec was saying. "Babe?"

"Seattle," I agreed. "Most of my family is still in Washington state, and I wouldn't want to ask them to travel. Plus all of my friends from home and school…it would be nice for them to all be able to come."

Alec understood, because he was a lot more down to earth than his sister was, but Jane laughed. "It's your wedding, Bella! Make them come to you!"

"She wants Seattle, she'll get Seattle. Hell, we could get married back in Italy, if that was what she wanted."

I smiled at him, squeezing his hand for a moment. "Thank you. But Seattle is perfect."

"You should really get engagement pictures out of the way now," Jane continued. "They need to be done, and you're not going to want to do it when you're swamped with coursework."

We agreed, knowing that she was probably right. But when she offered to look around for us, I readily agreed. I was happy to be engaged and looking forward to the future, but all the planning already sounded overwhelming and if doing this would make her happy, she could have it.

But then my mind wandered to Edward.

It didn't happen nearly as often as it had used to, but he was definitely still there in my mind. I wondered where he was now, and if he was still happy. It had hurt when we had stopped contact between each other, even if it had seemed like it would be for the best. I think both of us had realized that we weren't in the right place to keep things up, and that it would be better to have a clean break.

And we had. It had been five years since we had seen each other, and over three since we had exchanged any form of communication. I think that he had been deeply hurt when I had ignored him for months, and that rift was never really repaired before we mutually agreed to cease communication.

I absentmindedly rubbed the tattoo on my wrist, which I almost always covered with the watch my parents had given me for my twenty first birthday. It was my biggest reminder of him, one that would be a part of me forever. Then I looked over at my fiancé, and I worried that I had given part of myself to Edward that I would never get back.

… …

 **Tiny bit more of an explanation but mainly a bridge chapter! What do you think? Is this what you expected, or entirely different? Let me know, as always.**

 **I have the next chapter of** _ **Me and You**_ **entirely written so it will post tomorrow. Hope to see you over there for chapter twenty five!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Almost done with vacation : (**

 **We've had a great week, but I've missed you all! Next update will be the final chapter of** _ **Me and You.**_ **The sequel to that won't go up until I have a few more chapters of this one done.**

 **Aiming to update again before next Friday. See you soon!**

… …

Often times, I was too busy to think about what had happened in the past and the mistakes that I had made. I had thrown myself into my studies, welcoming the distraction. Law school was even more time consuming, and we hit the ground running the very first day of the semester.

I think that a lot of people had been surprised when I had shifted my focus at the University of Washington to Pre-law. And it wasn't just Alec's influence that had made me interested in it- I had been studying in the quad one rare sunny day and had happened to find a flyer about environmental conservation. And environmental law was something that I ended up becoming very passionate about. I'd had the opportunity to grow up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and had never realized how lucky I was. I had always appreciated the beauty of nature, and now I wanted to dedicate myself to saving it.

I slammed my textbook shut, deciding it was time to call it a night. Alec had fallen asleep on the couch hours ago, but I decided not to wake him and went to bed alone.

And once I was there, I allowed myself a moment to think about Edward. I knew that I was thinking about him more and more since moving to Chicago, something I felt increasingly guilty about.

Tonight I couldn't help but replay the last conversation we'd had in my mind, over three years ago.

" _This isn't really getting any easier, is it?"_

 _His question seemed to hang heavy in the air, like we both already knew the answer._

 _We had never quite recovered from my immature spell the spring after he had left Forks. I hadn't spoken to him in months, and even though I had finally apologized and we had managed to keep in touch better over the last two years, it just wasn't the same._

" _I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I know things have been weird, and that-"_

" _Bella, just…don't. It's okay. I thought I could do it, that we could bounce back after that weird period right after I left. But I think that maybe I asked too much of you after not giving you enough in return. But now it just feels like we're dragging it out. I hate wondering if you'll answer the phone, or trying to figure out time differences and finding the time to call when I'm busy. Because it's so hard to think about you. And I do, you know. I think about you all the time and I don't think I'll be able to stop unless…"_

We had agreed on a clean break, but sometimes it wasn't that easy.

My life had changed entirely since I had last seen him, but every once and a while I caught a glimpse of the old me. But I had been eighteen then, and entirely unprepared for what Edward Cullen could do to my heart and my mind. I had felt aimless back then- unsure of what I wanted and feeling like I'd never figure it out.

Now things were planned out, and even though I had craved that sense of security, I still felt a nagging sense of unrest.

… …

His number was disconnected.

I frowned down at my phone, wondering when he had gotten a new number even though part of me felt that I had no right to wonder about him at all.

I was, after all, an engaged woman.

Fiddling with my beautiful engagement ring had become a nervous habit, and I was doing it now. I loved my fiancé. He gave me the sense of security I had wanted so badly, and through him I had found strength in myself. We didn't come from the same world, but we looked forward to building a new world together.

He knew about Edward- I had drunkenly cried about him to Alec back when we were just friends. But I don't think that he understood the intensity of my feelings, because it was just one of those things that I couldn't put into words.

I had blocked Edward on Instagram after we had agreed to stop talking, and now wasn't the first time I'd thought about unblocking him. But this time I actually did it, even though I might have hesitated for a moment.

His page had grown. My eyes widened when I saw the number of followers he had, and how many pictures he had posted. I scrolled through the most recent ones, and my heart stopped when I scrolled to a picture of Wrigley Field on the North Side of Chicago. It was posted six days ago. I went to a more recent photo, seeing that he had tagged a location. It was a photography studio just a few blocks off Michigan Avenue- I didn't know Chicago very well yet, but I _had_ gotten to that area already.

I didn't even hesitate to save the address in my phone and make my way there as soon as I was out of class the following day.

… …

The bell above the door chimed when I opened it and stepped inside.

It seemed empty, and I took a few steps further before looking down the side hallway.

And time stood still.

He moved towards me, looking just as uncertain as I felt. His hair was a little longer and his facial hair was heavier than it had ever been five years ago. The sea of tattoos on his arms was more dense, explosions of color covering more skin than before. But those beautiful green eyes were the same, and so was the brilliant smile.

I didn't even hesitate to hug him when he got close enough, and suddenly felt at home.

"Holy shit, Bella," he breathed, squeezing me tight. "What are you doing here?"

He ushered me to a couch near the front window, and sat down close to me.

"I just started at the University of Chicago. I…I finally worked up the courage to see where you were at, and I couldn't believe we were in the same place at the same time again."

"Well, I'm glad you did. It's so good to see you."

I smiled, so grateful that he seemed so enthusiastic about seeing me again, especially with the way we had agreed to part ways three years ago.

"What are you in school for?" He asked. "I have so many questions, but that's the first."

"Oh, um, I'm actually in law school. I just started but I want to go into Environmental law."

"Wow. That's incredible, Bella. Law school, damn."

"And you? Is Chicago…home now?"

He laughed, shaking his head. He looked bashful, almost. "No. This is a friend's studio, actually. I'm just here through the end of October. He's letting me use the space while I'm in town."

I tried to ignore the part of me that was so disappointed to hear that he was still wandering, but I couldn't. But I also felt awful about it, because I had absolutely no claim to him at all. I did, however, have a fiancé at home.

Maybe I shouldn't even be here.

"I can't believe you're here. It's…you have no idea how happy I am to see you again."

His enthusiasm surprised me a bit, but also made my heart ache and wonder what we might have become if things that been different.

"I've been thinking about you a lot since moving here," I admitted. He squeezed my hand at my words, and I found myself hating what I knew I had to say next. "Especially when my fiancé and I started to look for a photographer to do our engagement photos."

Edward froze for a moment, but recovered quickly. He reached for my left hand, running his thumb over the ring on my fourth finger. "Wow. Congratulations, Bella. Really. I've always wanted the best for you."

"Thank you."

My voice sounded so hollow to me, and I had to force myself to smile.

"I guess you probably know that Alice and Jasper got married last year? I did their wedding pictures, and thought that maybe you would have been there."

"Oh, I did know. We were invited, but couldn't make it down to Texas because we were studying for the LSATs at the time."

"We?"

"My fiancé, Alec, and I are both in law school," I explained. "But I wish we could have gone."

"I see. Well, they're expecting a baby now- I don't know if Rosalie had mentioned that."

"Oh! No, I didn't know. With my studies being so crazy and now that Rosalie has Henry _and_ Vera…we haven't been the greatest at keeping in touch."

"Alice is obsessed with those kids. She's a nightmare aunt, though, so hopefully Rose is able to get some payback when the baby comes."

I smiled, but I was also struck with how odd it was that we were at this point in our lives. It hurt, but Rosalie and I weren't close anymore. She and Emmett had gotten married shortly after our high school graduation, and Henry had been born right before I had left for the University of Washington. Now she had baby Vera, too, and I was over a thousand miles away from Forks. She and Edward were related through Alice and Jasper, and I felt like the odd man out.

"What have you been up to?" I asked, changing the subject. "Where has your work taken you?"

I listened as he launched into his story, just as enthralled by him as I had been five years ago. He hadn't lost his ability to spin stories and make his adventures seem like they were unfolding right in front of you, and I found myself wishing that I could have seen all the things he had.

"How crazy is it that we're back in the same city?" He asked, shaking his head. "I've missed you, Bella. I spent a lot of time wishing that things were different."

I nodded, knowing that I felt the same way but also that I had built a different life for myself and was committed to it. It wasn't right for me to wish things were different, because I had Alec and school and a whole future planned.

"Can we start keeping in touch again?"

His question didn't surprise me as much as it should have, but I still didn't know how to answer.

This was a slippery slope- I was allowed to have friends, and in another month Edward would be leaving again. But I wasn't sure that I could ever see him as just a friend. I had this idea of him in my head, that he was the one who got away and someone I had felt so incredibly strongly about. I thought about my fiancé; how I loved him and had committed myself to him.

But despite of all that, all the reasons to say no- I said yes.

… …

 **What do you think?**

 **Is keeping in touch innocent, or will they be able to keep it innocent? Are you surprised at the way they reacted to seeing each other again?**

 **I'll be back from vacation on Monday, so another chapter won't come until then. Part of me wishes I could stay on the beach, but it'll be nice to get back into the swing of things!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! Sorry for the slight delay, but I'm back now! Hoping to update this story twice a week now- Tuesdays and Fridays. The main exceptions will be if I'm out of town on a weekend, but I'll try to let you know in advance what's up. Usually you can find progress updates on my facebook page. My profile is Cynosure Fanfic, so send me a request if you'd like to be friends!**

 **EPOV in the beginning of this chapter, then switching back to BPOV.**

… …

 _ **Edward Cullen**_

The past five years had changed us both. But when I had seen Bella Swan again for the first time in what felt like forever, for a moment it felt like time was standing still. For that split second, it was just us, the people we had been five years ago. And all the feelings I'd had for her then came crashing down over me all over again.

It had hurt, back then, when she had closed herself off. Maybe I should have realized that she wouldn't be able to handle the distance. Even though I'd never had to leave someone like her behind before, I _was_ used to leaving, while she didn't know what it felt like to be left. It was easy for me to stay in touch with family and friends while I was traveling, and until Bella, I'd never felt guilty about leaving.

But I still left. I spent some time regretting that I had, even though I tried not to think about it. Even when I was missing her, wondering why she wasn't answering my phone calls or returning my messages, I tried to convince myself that it was for the best. I'd spent years struggling with addiction, and Bella had very quickly started to feel like another vice. It made me feel vulnerable, and like I had a whole new addiction.

I needed some semblance of control in my life, and Bella had the ability to make me feel completely out of control ever since the very first time she'd taken me to the meadow in the forest behind her parents' house.

Maybe it had been unfair of me to have all those worries and feelings about her, yet still keep her in the dark.

After we had agreed that it would be best for both of us if we stopped communicating, I had tried to keep myself from thinking about her. However, it had proven to be impossible to erase her completely. The frequency of how often I thought about her started to lessen over the years, but sometimes she would just pop into my mind. Sometimes, the timing would make sense- like when I'd returned to Washington to take engagement photos for Alice and Jasper. Alice often spoke about Henry and Vera, Rosalie's children, and that never failed to make me wonder about Bella, too. But other times, the things that made me think about her didn't make much sense. And just like an addiction, I thought that maybe the thoughts of her would never really go away. They would just continue to come to be, unbidden.

When I saw her there, in the doorway of my friend's studio in Chicago, I had wondered for a moment if I was imagining things. But no, she was really there, and thoughts of keeping a distance between us flew out the window.

Parts of her were the same- she was still devastatingly beautiful, smart, and a little shy. The pink blush that sometimes bloomed across her cheeks was the same, and the sound of her laugh hadn't changed at all. The changes that were there, though, were huge. She was grown up. Attending law school. And she was getting married.

I was happy for her, and I wanted her to know that. But she didn't seem very happy herself.

… …

"Hey, Alice." I answered her phone call on the first ring, happy to hear from her.

It had been years now since we'd been on the road together, and I knew she loved her life in Texas with Jasper, but I missed the good old days, when it was just the two of us.

"Hey, big brother. I've been thinking about you lately, so I figured I'd give you a call. How's is going?"

I filled her in on what I'd been up to since we had spoken last, telling her about some of the work I'd been doing since being back in Chicago and also about the jobs I had scheduled after leaving Chicago. I'd scheduled a job in Texas at the beginning of the New Year, and then would be staying with Alice and Jasper for a couple of weeks.

Not only would I get some time with my stepsister and brother-in-law, but I'd be able to do her maternity photos while I was there.

We spent a few minutes getting caught up, and then I figured it was time to drop the bomb.

"I saw Bella Swan today."

Alice was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. "In Chicago? How…"

"She's here for law school, I guess. She found me through a photo I posted on Instagram, because I tagged the studio."

"Wow. How was that?"

I hesitated for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. "A little overwhelming," I finally said. "But it felt great to see her again."

"And you're doing okay. With seeing her, I mean. I bet it was kind of crazy…maybe brought up some old memories."

I knew what she was talking about- Southern Illinois, the spring after I'd left Forks. When Bella had ceased all communication without explanation. I'd succumbed to temptation, and although the relapse had been brief, any relapse at all was incredibly dangerous.

"You know, it wasn't bad. It felt so good to talk to her again, Alice."

"Well, that's great, but-"

"I know."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Really, I am. I promise," I assured her. "Things are different now….I feel a lot stronger and I don't regret that she found me. She's getting married, by the way. She and her fiancé moved here for law school. Maybe that helps. I don't know…"

"Rosalie had mentioned that last time we talked about Bella. She said Bella hasn't been back to Forks in over a year now."

That surprised me.

Although I understood that Bella was beginning a new chapter of her life with her future husband and attending law school, I was surprised to hear that. Bella Swan had loved that tiny town, even though I also thought that she wanted to see more of the world. I always had assumed she'd go back there as much as she could, not just for the people but also for the places there that were so close to her heart.

I absentmindedly ran my thumb over the tattoo on my arm- the one I'd gotten in Port Angeles. That was the day my relationship with Bella had taken a turning point, and it meant more to me than most of my other tattoos did. I thought about how much Bella had loved that spot, and how much it had meant to her that I'd wanted a permanent reminder of it.

Apparently, more had changed than I'd originally thought.

… …

 _ **Bella Swan**_

Alec was sitting at the kitchen table when I got back to the apartment, textbooks spread out in front of him and his laptop open. I came up behind him, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck and resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Hi," he said, turning his head to kiss me in greeting. "I was just wondering where you were."

I sat down in the chair across from him, kicking off my shoes as I did so. "I actually just met up with an old friend."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah. Um, it was actually my friend Edward. I know I've mentioned him to you before…the photographer? I knew when back when I was in high school."

"Right, I remember."

I was silent for a moment, not sure what to say next, but Alec spoke first.

"Was it good to catch up?"

"Uh, yes, it was. We hadn't had any contact in years, so it was kind of cool to see him again after all this time and reminisce."

"Good."

"He asked me if we could start staying in touch again…and I said yes. Is that…I mean, is that okay? I feel kind of weird about it now."

Alec shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, his focus already back on his laptop. "Yeah, babe. I don't care."

I got up to get started on making dinner after that, but the exchange left me feeling a little strange. I had been feeling guilty about Edward, and like I had been doing something wrong. In all honesty, I had expected there to be an argument, and thinking that I would need to explain and apologize. But Alec said he didn't care. Perhaps I should have been grateful, because maybe Alec just trusted me, and didn't have any insecurities about our relationship.

But that wasn't how it felt, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

… …

"I was thinking that we could spend Thanksgiving with my parents this year."

Both of us had been reading in bed, and Alec barely looked up from his book to answer me. "Actually, I think my parents were going to come here."

"Maybe your family could all come for Christmas or New Years, instead. I really miss my parents…and all of my old friends at home," I said. "Rosalie had another baby, and I haven't even seen her yet."

"Babe, we only get Wednesday through Sunday off for Thanksgiving. If you think about the travel time, I just don't think it's worth it. We'd have to fly out to Seattle, which is almost a five-hour flight, not including having to fight traffic and getting to the airport two hours before our flight. Then, once we're in Seattle, we'd have to wait around for our luggage and deal with getting a car, then drive more than four hours to Forks. And do it all over again on the way back. We'd barely get a vacation at all."

"But then my parents will be in Florida for Christmas," I reminded him. "And I don't know when I'd get to see them again if I didn't go there for Thanksgiving."

He was quiet for a moment, so I spoke again. "Maybe I should just go there by myself for Thanksgiving, and your family and come here if you don't want to go to Washington."

"It's our first Thanksgiving as an engaged couple," Alec said indignantly. "I think that we should spend it together."

"We'll have the rest of our lives together to spend Thanksgiving together. I want to be with you, too, but I really need to see my parents. I understand that you don't want to mess with the flights, but I don't mind. Then we can have Christmas here."

"Fine."

I turned to face him, troubled by the look on his face. "Hey." He didn't respond, so I rested my head on his chest. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. I'm just thinking about how pissed you'd be if _I'd_ suggested we spend the holidays apart."

"It's just Thanksgiving, Alec."

"That's how it starts. We're family now, Bella. I know we're waiting to get married, but I already think of us as a family. And one day, we'll have kids of our own. I don't want to spend _any_ holidays apart. Not now, not ever."

I sighed, and I felt him put his arm around me and pull me closer. "I don't want you to go anywhere."

"I'm not," I said softly. "I won't."

… …

 **What do you think?**

 **Are you surprised that Edward had a relapse? And how annoying is Alec?**

 **Please let me know what you think!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Welcome back!**

 **So, I've gotten a few questions about cheating in this story and I thought now would be a great moment to answer them to those who have asked, those who might be wondering, and even those who aren't concerned about.**

 **SPOILERS in this following paragraph!**

… …

 **No cheating…but I suppose that kind of depends on your opinions on the whole "we were on a break" thing. Nothing will happen between two characters while one of them is in a relationship with someone else. Bella is engaged to Alec. Alec and Bella both know this, and as long as the two of them still consider each other to be in a relationship, then there will be no cheating. It's not Bella saying "he knows something is wrong, he has to realize something is going on" or Alec saying the same thing. It's more of Alec and Bella** _ **both**_ **saying "we need to take some time apart" and being fully aware of that separation.**

… …

Even though I was busy in the following weeks, I never said no when Edward asked if we could see each other. He showed me the rest of his friends studio, letting me look at all of the equipment and the photos he was developing. He invited me to get coffee a few times, and took me to try my first Chicago-style deep dish pizza. I found it so effortless to be friends with him again, and time spent with him was a welcome break from all the stress and rush of school.

Edward didn't call Chicago home, but he'd spent enough time there to know all the ins and outs of the city. He showed me all of his favorite places while still allowing me to discover others on my own.

He still wore his camera slung around his neck, and approached photography will the same experienced ease he had all those years ago. It became a little ritual for us- he would take photos, and then at the end of the day, he'd take me back to the studio so that we could look at them together. And without fail, I was always stunned at all the things his eyes and camera lens saw that I had missed.

For the first time in years, I felt like I could enjoy photography again. I started to use my phone to capture more and more photos, and Edward was always gracious and kind as we looked at them together.

In the past few months- maybe even the last year- law school had been my driving force. It was what I worked towards and put my time into. But it was easy to get burnt out that way, and my time with Edward became a sanctuary.

… …

"Maybe you should ask your photographer friend to do your engagement photos, Bella."

Jane's suggestion sounded innocent, but the glint in her eyes told me it was anything but. I glanced over at Alec- he continuously said that he didn't care if I spent time with Edward, but if he had mentioned it to his sister be obviously thought something of it. The problem was, I had no idea what.

So I just smiled at her. "That would be a good idea, but he's not even based here in Chicago, so he'll be leaving town soon." It almost hurt to say that, even though it was true. Edward was leaving at the end of October, and didn't know exactly when he would be back. He would be doing jobs in November and the beginning of December, and then spending Christmas in Texas with Alice. The earliest he would be back in Chicago was January. And even then- it was always temporary.

"Well, maybe he could prolong his time in Chicago. You know, as a favor. The two of you are obviously close."

"I don't think so. He's leaving for jobs that have already been booked, so…"

"Maybe I should call him, or drop by. If he wouldn't do it for an old friend, money talks, you know. Especially for things like this."

I gritted my teeth at the implication that Edward was a sellout. "Edward really isn't like that, Jane."

"Regardless," Alec said, cutting his sister off before she could open her mouth to even say anything else. "I think we want a photographer with a little more…I don't know, recognition behind them. I'm sure your friend is great, babe, but our cousin Marcus mentioned a photographer here who has done photos for members of European royal families and other prominent clients. I think that would be more what we should be looking into."

I couldn't have agreed less, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't used to this opulent lifestyle that the Volturi family lived, but Alec and Jane had grown up in it. It was nothing to them, because they were raised to think of money as an infinite resource. I didn't plan on raising my children the same way, but I didn't blame Alec and Jane for being that way when they _had_ been raised like that.

They grew up expecting the best and being told that they _deserved_ the best. Alec had been fairly laid back while he was in undergrad, focusing more on dividing his time between partying and schoolwork. He knew how to have a good time and would drop the money to ensure that he did, but after the party was over, he buckled down and was a good student. But in the time that we had been together, I could see him placing more and more of a focus on his family's money- especially now.

I had never thought as myself as someone who cared about money, and at first, Alec's excessive wealth had actually been more of a deterrent than anything else. In Forks, practically no one had a lot of money. There were plenty of people who were considered upper middle class, but it was a small town and fairly isolated, and there just wasn't the opportunity for people there to be considered wealthy.

That was what I was used to, and seeing my new friends in college spend money like it was nothing had been a shock. Now I was going to be marrying into an incredibly rich family, and had already experienced a much more lavish lifestyle.

But while they talked about trips to Europe and weeks spent aboard luxury yachts, I thought of the meadow behind my parents house in Forks, and how someplace like that meant more to me than anywhere else.

… …

"Wow," I said, stepping closer. "These are beautiful, Edward."

Freshly developed pictures were spread across the desk in the back room of the studio, and every single one looked like a piece of artwork to me. I saw pictures from every place we'd been together in the past few weeks- from restaurants and coffee shops to Millennium Park and the beach along Lake Michigan. There were pictures from our day at Wrigley Field, where Edward had taken me to my first baseball game, and ones from the zoo and the aquarium.

I had been in Chicago for months now, but it had just now started to feel like someplace I could consider home. And while that should have been a good thing, it was also unsettling.

I'd moved here for my fiancé and for law school, but the best part of my life here had very quickly become Edward and the time we spent together. I had known that seeing Edward and spending all this time with him would be a slippery slope, but I truly hadn't expected it to all happen so fast and at this magnitude.

What I was doing wasn't fair to my fiancé, or the health of our relationship. But I felt like I couldn't stop. I'd spent three years without Edward in my life, and I didn't want to do that again.

"Look at this one."

Edward spoke, and his voice was a welcome interruption to my racing thoughts. I examined the picture he was pointing out, touching the edge with my fingertips.

It was simple- a photo of the sun rising over Lake Michigan. I remembered that day well- I'd been swamped with schoolwork, so the only time I'd been able to see Edward was during my morning run along the shore. Edward had joined me, turning it into more like a walk rather than a run, but I hadn't minded the change. On the left-hand side of the photo, I could see myself standing right along the water in the distance, looking out at the beautiful scene over the water.

With all the beauty of Lake Michigan and the rising sun, Edward had somehow managed to make _me_ the best part of the picture.

"I love it."

"Yeah?" His nose crinkled playfully as he smiled, and came up behind me to study the photo close as well. "So do I."

"Well I hope so," I teased. "It's your photo, after all."

We continued talking and pointing out our favorite pictures until I checked the time. "Shoot. I should really get going…I wasn't planning on staying so long."

"Big plans tonight?"

"No! I mean…Alec and I were talking about going out to dinner. But nothing major." It was still a little odd for me to talk about my fiancé to Edward, and maybe it was awkward for him, too.

He nodded. "Ah. I see."

"What about you?"

"I was thinking maybe it was time to get a Chicago tattoo."

"All these years of coming back to Chicago and you've never gotten a tattoo here?"

Edward laughed sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. "There was never anything here that I wanted to capture."

I swallowed thickly at the implication of his words. "And now?"

"Now…it's different."

I noticed suddenly how close I was standing to him- I could smell his cologne and the spearmint gum he was chewing, and was close enough to see the tiny designs tattooed behind his left ear that hadn't been there five years ago. It would have been so, so easy to just kiss him, and it probably would have felt so _right_ in the moment. It could have felt like coming home again.

But I took a step back. And took a deep breath.

This was Edward. Smart, passionate, and so kind. He still somehow saw things in me that no one else ever had, or ever would. I had loved him way back when, and maybe I still loved him. He certainly made me feel like I was eighteen again, and I probably still looked at him with stars in my eyes.

But he was not the man I was said I would spend the rest of my life with. No matter how many butterflies Edward gave me, it wasn't his ring on my finger and he wasn't the man I went home to at the end of the day.

"I should probably just go," I finally said."

Edward smiled, but I thought he looked a little sad. "Yeah, okay. Do…do you want me to hold off on the tattoo? I can always get it another time if you'd want to come get me."

I should have said no. I should have said that it didn't matter; it was his skin and not mine.

But I didn't.

… …

"Yikes. Didn't do so well, huh?"

Alec slung his arm around my shoulders as I frowned at my computer, looking at the grade I'd received on my last paper.

I was a good writer. I'd always prided myself on the fact and had even though I might have rushed this one out, I'd thought I'd at least get a C. I was wrong.

"It was just a hard topic for me," I said, trying to brush it off.

"You've been struggling in that class a lot."

I shot him a dirty look, but he just raised his eyebrows knowingly. "Didn't you say you did poorly on that last quiz? You should join our Tuesday night study group, babe. It's helped me loads- I'm sure it'll help you, too."

Tuesday nights was usually one of the days I did something with Edward. Alec had told me he'd been going to a study group that night, and he was always home late, but I had brushed it off, thinking I didn't need the extra time to study. I'd graduated from the University of Washington with a 4.0 and scored high on my LSATs- and let myself think that I wouldn't need to study even harder in law school. Now I was seeing my grades slip, and even though it was only the beginning of October, and I was still passing, it was enough to scare me.

But apparently not enough to cancel on Edward, because I still met him the following Tuesday evening at the tattoo parlor he'd told me he'd been recommended.

I watched quietly as he got the tattoo; small words- _Urbs in Horto_ neatly inked onto his shoulder.

"What does it mean?" I asked later, as the artist was taping the gauze over the fresh tattoo.

"It's Chicago's motto," Edward explained. "City in a Garden."

He thanked the artist and paid, and we left the shop together. I didn't even bother to ask where we were going; I just followed his lead and we eventually ended up sitting on a park bench in Millennium Park.

"Remember that day in Port Angeles?"

Of course I remembered that day, and I knew that he knew that perfectly well. So I didn't reply, and he continued. "That was a turning point. That was when I knew that you would always mean something to me."

I watched as he fumbled in his jacket pocket for a cigarette and his lighter, and wrinkled my nose when he lit it up. "I hate that."

"I know."

"You told me it was an addiction…but safer than your others," I said, remembering that small conversation even though it had happened five years ago.

"I remember that, too. And it's still true- smoking is the safest of my many vices."

I hated that so much of him was still a mystery, and that he was purposely withholding the truth. He was just being obscure and mysterious without ever giving me any insight into what all of this meant, _really meant._

"What do you expect me to say to stuff like that, Edward?"

He blinked a few times, surprised. "What?"

"You say stuff like that but then never follow up with an actual answer."

"I didn't hear a question."

"Don't do that," I said, exasperated. "I just want to know."

"Know what?"

"Know _you_."

… …

 **Thanks for reading! Hoping to see you guys again on Tuesday for the next chapter.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello! Sorry for the longer wait on this one- I was super sick last week, and then had a crazy case of writers block and just couldn't get this chapter together…which is why it's a shorter chapter.**

 **Next week will be another EPOV chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying and thanks so much for taking the time to read. Zach and I are going on a weekend trip and not coming back until Monday night, so while I hope to update on Tuesday, it's not definite.**

 **Enjoy!**

… …

I watched as Edward jammed another cigarette in his mouth, looking like he wished he could be anywhere but here right now.

"I've _always_ felt like you know just about everything there is to know about me," I continued when he didn't speak. "But I can't say the same about you. And it's not fair, Edward. You know what you do to me…what you mean to me. You always have. You might think that I don't need to know, but keeping me in the dark is…is _cruel_."

His eyes flashed to mine then, and for the first time, I saw anger there. "Cruel?"

"Maybe that's not the right word, but-"

" _Cruel_ is ignoring my phone calls. Cruel is not returning my messages. Cruel is never coming to visit me; never opening that fucking letter and seeing that I tried. I sent you a plane ticket, Bella, and you didn't even open the letter. And then it took you weeks to finally stop ignoring me, with hardly any explanation at all. That's cruel, Bella."

"A plane ticket?"

"I wanted you to visit me over the summer. I'd either be in Florida or North Carolina, but I wanted you to be there with me. I…I had a hard time that spring. I was convinced that seeing you would make it better."

I felt even more guilty than before, which until now, I hadn't thought would be possible.

Things had never been the same since that awful period the spring after he had left Forks, even though neither of us had wanted to admit it. We had never really addressed the issue, but had instead just tried to sweep it under the rug until we had finally just decided to stop communicating altogether. He had never brought up the letter he had sent me- the thick envelope that had been postmarked Edwardsville, Illinois- and neither had I.

"I'm sorry," I said. Not just because I didn't know what else to say but because I really, truly was sorry.

Edward stubbed out his cigarette. "I knew you hadn't read it. Not just because you didn't use the plane ticket…but because you probably wouldn't have even wanted to talk to me again in the first place if you had." His voice was rough, and he suddenly sounded exhausted. "When you reached out to me weeks later, part of me just wanted to tell you to read it. But I couldn't…because it was awful when we weren't talking, and I wasn't ready to risk that again. And it was all for nothing…things never went back to normal, and we ended up not talking anyway."

"I'm sorry for what I did then. I wish I had handled things differently…you have no idea. Well, maybe you do. Because even though I wish we didn't have to have these regrets, I also hope you wish that maybe you had done a few things differently, too."

"I do."

"Good. Because I don't want you to stop being a part of my life again."

He held my gaze for a moment, but then frowned. "Bella, you're…you're getting married. I can't help but feel that maybe what we're doing is inappropriate."

I'd been having my own guilt and reservations over how close I was becoming with Edward, but it wasn't until he vocalized it, too, that I realized maybe we were crossing a line. But I felt defensive, and embarrassed. "We haven't done anything. You haven't even touched me-"

"We're having an emotional affair, Bella."

"No-"

"We spend every free minute together, talking and laughing and getting closer every day. After not seeing you for years, the moment you walked into the studio was the happiest I'd been in a long time. I feel like I threw things away…before. And now I feel like I got you back, even though you're engaged to another man and have a whole new life. I'm dreading leaving, because I worry that the same thing will happen."

"It won't. We're friends, and maybe we're older and wiser now. We can still keep in touch."

"If I were your fiancé, I know I wouldn't be okay with this happening," Edward said bluntly. "I don't want to ruin that part of your life for you. I'm happy for you, Bella. I want you to have the life you've always wanted and to get everything you deserve. You've decided to make a future with him, and I don't want the past to stand in your way."

"What are you saying?"

My mind was racing, and I couldn't understand what Edward meant.

"I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness."

"You're not. You _can't_. Edward, you make me happy. You're my friend, and I don't want to lose you again."

… …

The sun had started to set, and when Edward asked if I wanted to come with him to the studio to talk more, I agreed without hesitation.

"I wrote you that letter because…" Edward took a deep breath, looking like he felt sick to his stomach.

"Hey," I said quietly, touching his shoulder. "It's okay. I'm not going to judge you, or be mad. I said I wanted to know you, and I meant it."

He nodded, but just stared down at his hands. "I wrote you to because I had relapsed a few weeks before, and I was in the hospital for a drug overdose."

I stared at him for a moment, stunned. _Edward was a drug addict._ Of all the things I thought he could have been keeping a secret, that was not what I had expected. He was smart, successful, and hardworking. He didn't fit the bill for what you might have thought an addict would be like…proving that no one really understood addiction and the stigma surrounding it.

And knowing that Edward had written to me in such a dark time of his life and that I had ignored it made me feel even worse than before.

"I've struggled with it for years. Before that, I had been clean for a long time…I think I maybe got a little bit cocky. I felt invincible, like that couldn't happen to me again. But I slipped up, and then I wasn't in a good place. I got good at hiding it from Alice, thank god. It already broke her heart, but I don't think she could have handled it if she had known what was going on before. It was bad enough that she had to come to the hospital when I overdosed, and deal with all that shit all over again.

I'm clean now. Have been since I woke up in the hospital that morning…and I still struggle. You have no idea…or at least I hope you don't. It's always been hard for me to tell people, because I feel like once people know, I'm defined by my addiction. Even now…I haven't touched pills in five years but I'm still an addict. A recovering addict, but still. It's a part of my identity. Sometimes I think that's a good thing, because it reminds me of how bad things got and how far I've come. That despite my addiction, I'm successful and am happy. But other times, I feel like it's a dark cloud over me that will never go away. I feel like I'm defined by bad choices I made, and by how much I've hurt the people I love. And now, when I'm sitting here with you, I feel like I'm not good enough."

Before I could talk myself out of it, I wrapped my arms around Edward and held him tight. He hugged me back, and I could feel him become less tense.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry that I ignored your phone calls and didn't read your letter. I'm sorry for everything you've gone for. But thank you for trusting me. And I never, ever want you to feel like you're not good enough. Because you are the best friend I've ever had, and the most incredible person I've ever met."

He rested his forehead in the crook my neck, and we sat like that for a long time.

And I knew that he was right.

Things had gone too far between us- not physically, but emotionally. We were doing something wrong now.

…. ….

 **Thanks again for reading! Sorry about the shorter chapter but this one was very difficult to get out. See you for the next one- hopefully next week. Like I said, EPOV!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello all! Thanks so much for reading. EPOV in this chapter, as promised, but we start with Bella.**

 **We've had a long couple of weeks, which is why I've been a bit MIA lately. Everything is fine now, but it has been rough and will probably continue to be in the following weeks. Thanks for your patience.**

 **… …**

The apartment was dark when I got home.

My mind was still racing, and I was struggling to make sense of everything. Edward had come back into my life so recently, but from the moment I'd tracked him down, things had changed. I just hadn't realized how much, and now I was starting to question everything.

I had thought that I knew what I wanted. Law school and agreeing to marry Alec had been choices that I had made. But now I was halfway through my first semester of law school and it is no secret that I'm already struggling. Even though I still wanted that end result- to work in environmental law and hopefully make an impact when it came to conversation, I didn't feel like I was in the right place right now. And Alec…

I stared down at the ring on my finger. I had always loved it, not because it was beautiful and mind-numbingly expensive, but because of the man who had given it to me. Now, it was just a pretty rock, and that realization terrified me.

… …

Looking down at my graded exam, I felt like I was in an alternate reality. I had failed, but it wasn't eliciting the reaction I would have expected. I felt like a failure, but also like it didn't even matter anymore.

Class wasn't over for another fifteen minutes, but I gathered my bag and hurried out of the classroom without another thought. I needed air; I needed to _breathe_. The cold air outside stung my face, but I didn't let it bother me. I stood there for a while with my face pointed up towards the sky, probably looking a little odd to some but also not caring. Once I finally felt a little more relaxed, I sat down on a nearby bench and dug my phone out of my bag.

Edward answered on the first ring. "Bella, what's up?'

"I…" I blew out a deep breath, not sure of what to say at first. "I was hoping you could meet me for coffee."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Um, sure…don't you have class?"

I felt tears sting my eyes.

"I…I don't care. I just really need to talk."

He agreed to meet me in half an hour, but when I walked into the Starbucks we had agreed on almost fifteen minutes early, he was already there waiting. He had ordered me hot tea, which I accepted gratefully as I sat down across the table from him.

"Are you okay?" Edward spoke quietly, and he looked serious. "What's wrong?"

"I failed my civil procedure exam."

Saying the words out loud unleashed another round of tears, and Edward quickly handed me a napkin.

"It's one exam, Bella. I know it's a big deal, but you are so smart. I'm sure you can turn it around."

I shook my head. "It's not just one exam. I failed my last quiz, too, and got a D on a huge paper. I'm not going to pass the class."

Edward was silent for another moment before he reached over and gently took one of my hands. "I admittedly don't know a whole lot about school. Hell, I probably wouldn't have even finished high school if it hadn't been so important to my parents. But I know how much it means to you, Bella. This is just a setback. You're smart, and you're driven. A little bump in the road might slow you down, but it won't stop you."

I nodded, but the tears didn't stop.

"Have you talked to Alec? Not just about this…about everything. About what you and I talked about last night."

"No."

"You need to, Bella. He's your fiancé…I'm sure-"

"I don't even think I want him to be my fiancé anymore, Edward!" I cried. "All I can think about is _you_. I had a plan. Well…Alec and I both did. We were going to graduate in two years, get married, and work for his family's firm. It was all figured out. Now I don't know what's happening, but I don't think I want any of it anymore."

"What _do_ you want?"

I looked up at him. "I want you."

… …

Alec was sitting in the living room when I got back to the apartment, an empty glass and a bottle of whiskey sitting out on the coffee table in front of him.

"Hi."

He looked up at me when I spoke, but didn't say anything.

"I think that we need to talk."

"Yeah," he finally said, pouring himself a generous glass of whiskey. "I think you're right."

I sat down on the other side of the couch, and Alec turned to face me. "Where'd you go? You left Civil Procedures early, and then you didn't even show up for Contracts. I've been home for over an hour now- where have you been?"

"I failed the exam," I admitted, but didn't reply to his question.

"Yeah, I know. Demetri told me that he saw your grade before you ran out."

"I was…I was upset, okay? You know that I've never failed _anything_ before."

"I know that. I just don't understand how you could fail something so important. This is law school, Bella. Not some undergraduate elective."

"Alec...it's not like I failed on purpose! I hate this!"

"You might not have failed on purpose, but I don't think you did anything to prevent it, either. We talked about how you were struggling in that class. I invited you to study group, and told you we could study together at home. But low and behold, you're nowhere to be found the night of study group, and you're never home! What the hell are you doing? I know you're spending a lot of time with…with Edward. And fine. Whatever you want, as long as you come home and you fulfill your responsibilities. But I don't even know what you want anymore, or what you're doing."

Alec took a swig of his drink, his eyes dark.

"I'm not sure that I want this anymore," I said quietly, looking down at my hands. "I…I just feel lost. I feel like I don't recognize my own life."

"It's a little late for that, isn't it? There's a plan to be followed, Bella. Graduating, getting married, and becoming successful."

"Do you love me, Alec?"

He stared at me for a moment. "What the hell kind of a question is that?"

"I feel like our 'plan' is based on our careers…not on loving each other. Things have been so different, lately. I feel like your business associate, not your fiancée."

"Hey, we _both_ agreed that we would put off planning the wedding while we started school. What, you want to plan your big wedding now? Go ahead, if that will put you back on track! I just want you to honor your commitments."

"I think I need some time to myself," I said quietly. "To figure all of this out."

Alec sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. "Okay."

"I want us to be happy. Both of us. Even if it means we're not together. And I can't be happy until I figure out what I want."

"I do love, you Bella."

The words sounded hollow, and I just nodded. I loved Alec. He had filled a void in my life and treated me well, giving me the stability and support I had craved. I just wasn't in love with him anymore, as cliché as that might have sounded. We had been together for a long time, and up until just a few months ago, I had been sure about my future with him. Even though it was probably selfish and hurtful to both of us, I couldn't walk way entirely until I sorted myself out.

"I'll grab my stuff and go."

"Alec, you don't have to go. I'm the one that's…well, I should be the one to go."

He studied me for a moment. "You're sure you'll be okay?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay." He set his drink back down on the coffee table and stood up. "I'll…give you some space while you get your things together."

It didn't take me long to get a bag packed full of clothes and toiletries, and make sure I had everything else I needed in my bookbag. Alec was on the balcony when I walked back into living room, and he came back inside when he saw me.

"Here," I said, fumbling to pull my engagement ring off of my finger. "I wouldn't feel right taking this with me."

He accepted it, smiling sadly. "Yeah. I mean…I want to be clear about this. Are we…broken up?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so. I don't know if it makes a lot of sense but I think it would be best for us to be apart. And if we're going to do that, it should be all the way. I just am struggling with how to put this into words…I need time apart. I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing and even though I don't know what the future holds, I think it's safe to say that right now, we're broken up."

"Okay. Yeah, I know it's kind of hard to label. I just…I don't really know where this is coming from, Bella. I hope you figure it out."

"Me, too."

… …

 ** _Edward Cullen_**

Even after our talk, and everything she'd said, I hadn't expected Bella to show up to the studio late that night. She looked worn down, and she had her bookbag on and a duffle bag slung over her shoulders.

"What's going on?"

I led her to the couch in the corner, and watched as she covered her face with her hands. I saw that her gigantic engagement ring was missing, and I wasn't sure what to make about the way that made me feel. "I told Alec that I needed some time."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Which is true. I mean…I feel so lost. I don't know what I want and it's so hard because up until now, I had _everything_ planned out. I didn't have to worry about the future. Now I have no idea. But a part of me is too fucking…I don't know, selfish or scared to let him go completely. I know that he's not the one I want to be with."

She looked up at me, and even though she was crying, I was struck with how beautiful she always was.

"He gave me stability," she continued, looking down at her lap. "Stability and security and the support I craved. It was never wild and passionate, but it was safe and comfortable. Part of me feels stupid for wanting to throw all of that away. But the rest of me…I can't live a life I'm not happy with."

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" I asked, not sure of what else to say. I knew she probably needed to talk, but I didn't trust myself. I knew that if we talked about this, I would just end up telling her how badly I wanted her and even though it was true, I wanted her to be able to figure out what she wanted and make her own choices.

"I'm going to get a hotel. I just didn't want to be by myself."

"You can stay upstairs. It's only got one bedroom, but there's a pull-out couch, too. I don't think you should be by yourself, either."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Later that night, I laid awake and stared up at the ceiling. Bella Swan was sleeping in the other room, just down the hallway. It occurred to me that despite all the time we had known each other and the feelings we both had, we'd never spent the night together before.

Bella said she didn't know what she wanted, but I found myself in the same boat. I'd been just going with the flow, and I was successful and happy. My business was doing better than ever and I was proud of what I had achieved. I would probably always struggle with addiction, but I could see now that I'd been in a good place for a long time and that didn't feel threatened to me.

My fascination with travel and need to be on the move hadn't died down, but I was becoming more comfortable with staying in one place for longer periods of time now. I'd never thought I would like being in one place for months on end, but I had been proven wrong during this stay in Chicago. I still had jobs scheduled throughout the end of the year and into the following spring, and they would take me places I had never been before. I looked forward to new adventures, but was surprised by the small part of me that didn't want to go. And I knew that it was because I didn't want to leave Bella. Again.

She said that she felt lost and unsure, but we were both in the same boat.

… …

 **Thank you again for reading- I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Like I said above, things have been quite hectic lately and they will probably continue to be for a little while longer. I will try and keep readers in the loop as much as I can, though, and will be back : )**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! Thanks so much for reading. Lots of soul searching in this chapter, but still a little ExB.**

 **All of you are ready for her to permanently kick Alec to the curb, but are worried that Edward and Bella will move too fast once he's gone. But don't worry, that's not the plan ; )**

 **And there will still be more soul searching to come- Bella has a lot to figure out.**

… …

I laid awake for most the night, miserable and feeling completely lost. Where could I possibly go from here? What should my next step be?

I worried about school, the demise of my relationship with my fiancé, and where things stood for me now. I thought about Edward, and wondered if things were different enough now- if we still _felt_ the same about each other but were both in a place where we could make something work between us. And eventually, I fell asleep.

… …

By the time I woke up, the sun was streaming through the bedrooms lone window and I could hear the bustle of the city outside.

In no real hurry, I took my time getting out of bed and getting ready. Technically, I had nothing at all to do today, and although that might have usually been a good thing; a welcome break, today it put a lump in the back of my throat.

I didn't know what I was going to do- not today, and not with the rest of my life. The man I had wanted to spend forever with and my path to the career I had wanted to devote my life too just weren't what I wanted anymore.

Edward wasn't in the small apartment when I finally emerged from the bedroom, but I found him down the in the studio, working on the computer in the office area.

"Hey." I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling timid.

I had put so much on the line last night, and I felt more vulnerable than ever.

"Hi." He smiled at me. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I did, thanks. Um, thank you for letting me have the bed. I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable."

"It was fine."

Nodding, I realized that he was probably busy and I took a step back. "Well, I don't want to bother you-"

"Bella, you're not bothering me. What were your plans for today?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and felt my cheeks burn. I had absolutely no idea what to do, but at the same time, I was overwhelmed by the amount of things that I needed to sort out.

First and foremost was school. Did I need to drop out all together? Was this semester even at all salvageable? And even if it was…did I want to go back at all? I felt like I no longer belonged in law school, and that I had very quickly lost all of the motivation and drive that had earned me a 4.0 at the University of Washington, just a few weeks into my first semester of law school here.

Then there was Alec. We both deserved closure from that relationship, even if I had been too unsure to end it once and for all last night. I had said that we needed time apart, and now, after thinking about it almost all night, I was certain that our "time apart" needed to be permanent.

And if all of that wasn't already enough, I still had to figure out which of things issues that I needed to tackle first.

Without law school, I had no purpose here in Chicago. And ending my relationship with Alec also meant moving out of our apartment. I felt like all that I had left here was Edward…and even that was temporary. And besides, I knew that it was not his job to take care of me, and that as an adult, I needed to get back up on my own two feet.

But this was Edward- I knew I could be honest with him. So I pulled up a chair, sat down, and got everything off my chest. It felt cathartic to just sit down and get everything out in the open, even if it didn't actually do anything to solve my problems.

Of course, it also helped that Edward listened patiently. It occurred to me that he was the only person I really had supporting me in the last few months. I hadn't seen my parents since moving to Chicago, I hadn't talked to Kate in weeks, and my friendship with Rosalie had been hanging on by a thread for years now. All of which was my own fault.

I had been so focused on Alec and law school that now I had nothing else. And now that I was also loving those two things, I was really lost. Except for Edward.

"What am I going to do?"

Edward sighed, running one of his hands through his already messy hair. "I wish I could answer that for you, Bella. I really do. But I want you to figure out what _you_ want, and for it to make you happy."

"I just…well, honestly, I'm worried that I'll regret this. That I'll wake up one day and wish that I hadn't done all of this."

He studied me for a moment. "Are you worried that you'll regret not…staying with him?"

His words were careful, and his expression neutral. But I saw how he fidgeted and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"No. I think that decision was for the best- for both Alec and I. But I worked so hard to get into law school, and I was so…on-track. Now I'm scared of throwing it all away and never finding my place in the world again. And then it would really be all for nothing."

Edward exhaled, looking relieved, but he shook his head at me. "Bella Swan, you will _always_ have a place in this world.

… …

I paced around the upstairs apartment for a while, trying to come up with the right words to say.

But once I finally worked up the nervous, it turned out that I didn't have anything to worry about.

"We miss you, Bella. Maybe you should just come home."

Years, or even just months ago, I would have rolled my eyes at my mom's suggestion. But today, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Alec had never liked coming to Forks with me. He always said that the small town made him feel caged in, and he had never appreciated the beauty of the surrounding area that I had always been captivated by. But part of me had understood why Alec had never liked it there- maybe that was why I had been so eager to just follow his lead. Forks _was_ small, and I understood that it could feel claustrophobic at times. But it was still home, and I felt like I had allowed my roots there to be dug up while I was with Alec.

Maybe it would be good for me to go back. I could do some soul searching, and work to repair some of the relationships I had neglected. And going back for a while didn't mean I would be there permanently, because that had never been what I wanted.

As I tried to figure out what would be the best thing, one thing stayed on the forefront of my mind- Edward.

We had just gotten back into each other's lives, and even though it hadn't been very long, I already felt like he was the thing I wanted most in life. It seemed so surreal- he had been my fantasy, the biggest crush I'd ever had while I was eighteen years old, naïve and caught up in how good he looked and how elusive he was. Obviously, that hadn't lasted. He didn't have roots, and I was nowhere near ready to know what I really wanted.

Not having any contact for all those years had been…fine. I got used to it, and I had accepted that there were just certain things that I would have to avoid if I didn't want to always be thinking of him. But the minute I found him again, all those feelings from years ago had come rushing back. It didn't matter that nothing physical had happened between us, because Edward had been right- we'd started an emotional affair that ended up meaning more to me than my relationship with the man I'd agreed to marry. I knew how wrong that was, and that I shouldn't have been with Alec at all after reconnecting with Edward.

He still meant more to me, and I didn't want to have to give him up again.

I was going to go back to Forks- I had already decided on that. It would be good for me, and I needed more time to figure out what I was going to do. But I wouldn't stay there, and this time, I wouldn't let Edward slip away.

I just had to make sure that he felt the same way.

… …

 **Thanks so much for reading!**

 **No, by the way, Edward hasn't seen Bella's tattoo that matches his. All in good time, my friends.**

 **See you again next week!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I hope all of you here in the U.S. had a very happy Thanksgiving!**

 **I know the past month or so has been totally sporadic in terms of posting new chapters, and I appreciate everyone for being so understanding. It was a rough time because my fiancé's stepmother passed away very suddenly. They weren't incredibly close, but she had been in his life from a very young age so it was hard for him and of course everyone else in her life. It also caused a little tension, because suddenly my fiancé and I seemed to be on trial for not getting married before she died so that she could at least see one of her children married (even though it was sudden. Idk with this people). So it has really be tough for everyone, and there has been and will be lots of tension around the holidays this year.**

 **Anyway, that's why things have been a little crazy and will continue to be for a while. I hope you can all have patience, as I have every intention of continuing to write : )**

… …

"I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do, and I'm finally happy with my plan."

Edward and I were sharing a pizza at one of my favorite places for Chicago deep-dish- a place Edward had somehow never been to over the years. It felt good to share this place with him, and even better to be able to talk to him about all of the things that had been weighing on my mind so heavily over the past few days.

"Yeah?" He looked interested, even putting down the slice of pizza he had been eating.

"Yeah. It wasn't an easy decision, but I think it is what's for the best. I'm going to withdraw from school, and go back to Forks. I'm planning on just taking a little time for myself before re-evaluating what I want to do about going back to school…or doing something else entirely, I guess."

"That's great, Bella. Really. I think that will be so good for you."

He reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly, and I didn't hesitate to squeeze back.

"Thanks. I really hope so, too. You know…I haven't been home since May. And even then, it was just a brief stop. Alec and I were in such a hurry to get back to Seattle…we didn't even stay the night. I barely had time to talk with my parents and catch up."

"They'll love having you home again, I'm sure."

I smiled wistfully. "Honestly, I worried that they might not have wanted me to come back and stay with them. They've been empty nesters for years now, and I know they've enjoyed their lifestyle. The alone time and freedom has done a lot of good. But when I told my mom what was going on, she didn't even hesitate. She wanted me to come home, even after I didn't see them for months. I know it hurt their feelings that Alec and I would hardly ever visit, and never even stayed over when we did. Not even a month ago, I told them I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving, and my mom was so sad. They've loved their independence since I've moved out, but I really hurt them, Edward. And I feel so bad that they're still so good to me."

"Bella, they're your parents. They love you no matter what, and I'm sure that they're understanding. You might have hurt them, but you know it was wrong and you want to make it right. That means the world to them…trust me."

"Is that how it was for you and your parents?"

We hadn't talked about Edward's history with drug addiction and overdoses since the day he had first told me about that part of his past. It would obviously a sensitive topic, and I knew it had taken him a lot of courage to be able to talk about it at all, so I hadn't wanted to push too far. But now it was clear that we were past that- it was like nothing was off limits anymore, and we could talk about anything.

"Yeah, it was, actually. I was travelling a lot, and even when I did see my mom and stepdad, I felt like I was getting pretty good at hiding my addiction from the rest of the world. But of course, back then, I didn't see it as an addiction. I was sure that I wasn't dependent, and I could stop whenever I wanted. Because my life was actually going really well. I was booking more and more jobs, and becoming successful. It gave me a real sense of invincibility that became very dangerous- knowing that I functioned so well even when I was becoming so dependent on pills. So when I overdosed for the first time, it all came crashing down. I told you before that my mom had blamed herself- she felt guilty for never telling me about how my father had struggled with addiction, and as a nurse, she felt like she should have been able to see the signs long before I had gotten to the point of overdosing. But she was also _so angry._ Then I was pissed that she was so mad…it was a huge mess. But I knew that I had to get clean, or I would end up dead. My mom saw how much I struggled and how hard I had to work, and during a therapy session in rehab I finally came to terms with how badly I had hurt her. Things were rocky for a while, but we both had to work really hard to repair things. And obviously, I've relapsed, and that's hard for everyone. But I keep trying, and she keeps supporting me- along with my stepdad."

"I know my situation isn't nearly as serious, but thank you. Hearing that does make me feel less anxious."

"Hey, this is still a big deal for you," Edward pointed out. "Yes, there are very different circumstances, but that doesn't mean this isn't hard for you."

We switched back to a lighter topic of conversation after that, and enjoyed our evening together. It was cold outside, but we decided to walk back to the studio anyway. And I didn't mind the cold because I could hardly think about it when I was focused on him. I'd loved all the time we'd been able to spend together, but I knew that tonight was a little different- because I wasn't going back home to Alec.

"How do you feel about it?" Edward asked after I brought it up. "I mean…it is a big change- he was your fiancé. Are you doing okay?"

It was another topic we hadn't discussed much, but now, the timing was right.

"It is strange," I admitted. "My relationship with Alec felt so safe, because it was all so straightforward. There was no second guessing. We did everything "right"- met, became close friends first, then dated for years. Then we graduated, and it was time to settle down- get engaged, go to law school, and then get married after our careers were established. Everything was always according to plan, and that had been something that I wanted…craved, even."

"Do you still love him?"

Edward's question was blunt, but his tone was soft, and he looked into my eyes with honest curiosity.

"No. I don't."

"Maybe I have no right…but I'm glad."

I nodded, because I didn't know how to say how good it was to hear that.

"There was just…no passion, and there hadn't been for quite a while. We started to feel like roommates, with just the occasional sweet gesture or loving words. We weren't putting any effort forth, and we were content to just let it go on like that while keeping up appearances…until I wasn't."

"Have you told him what your plans are now?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, but I did text him earlier to today to let him know that I'd be coming by the apartment tomorrow while he's in his last class of the day to get the rest of my things, and once he's home, the two of us can talk before I go. He replied and said that would be fine. That was it."

"That's good, I guess," Edward said. "Do you think he'll…"

"Try and convince me to stay?"

Edward nodded."

"No, I don't think he will. He has been very blasé about everything. You know, I felt really guilty after I first looked you up and we reconnected. I went home to Alec that night prepared to have to make excuses and fight. But he didn't care. He didn't care; just wanted to make sure we ticked all the boxes and continued on with the plan. Honestly, it's awful, but looking back at how he acted, I don't even think he would have cared if I'd gone out and cheated on him, as long as I came back home afterwards. He didn't fight for us, not at all. He cared about appearances, and to a certain extent, I guess I did, too.

He was upset that I wanted to go home and spend thanksgiving with my parents, while he wanted to stay in Chicago, but it wasn't because he didn't want to be apart- it was because he thought it would look back if we spent our first Thanksgiving as an engaged couple halfway across the country from each other. Alec hated that I was starting to struggle in school, but he didn't understand why I was having a hard time. He just wanted me to buckle down and do better…because of how it would look if I got bad grades. Maybe I've just had too much time to overthink everything, but now it all seems so obvious. And I just felt like I was blind, stupid, and unwanted."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"For what?" I asked, wiping at my eyes. "None of this is your fault."

We were only a few blocks away from the studio, but he pulled me to the side so that we were out of the way of everyone else on the sidewalk.

Edward took a step closer to me, and my breath caught in my throat as he brought his hands up to cup my face. "I am so, so sorry that you have ever felt unwanted."

I knew he was talking about himself, too, not just Alec, but when he leaned down and kissed me, I knew that I really had forgiven him a long time ago.

Over the years, there had been times when I'd thought about what it had been like to kiss him, and replayed it in my mind. He tasted the same; felt the same. But it meant so, so much more.

We kissed for a long time, and even after we stopped, he pulled me closer still.

"I've thought about you for years, Bella. And I know that we've both changed. But once I'm done with my next job-"

"Come visit me in Forks," I murmured, staring up at him. "Please."

"Are you sure? I want you to have the time that you need-"

"I'm sure," I interrupted again.

He grinned, and I knew I wore a matching expression. "A long time ago, I promised you that I'd come back to Forks. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long."

"I'm not. Now I really know what I want."

… …

I checked my watch, noting that Alec would be home from class in just over two hours, which hopefully would give me plenty of time to get my things together. I waved to the doorman when I entered the lobby, and rode the elevator alone. By the time I let myself in, I was an even bigger ball of nerves.

And of course, seeing Jane sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine just made it worse.

"What are you doing here?"

She smirked, obviously not surprised to see me here. "Well hello to you, too, Bella."

… …

 **Thank you for reading! Not sure when the next one will be up, but I'm trying to get my shit together before things go totally crazy again over the holidays in December.**

 **But I am hoping to update** _ **Three**_ **before the next chapter of this one, so my hope is to be back for the next chapter of this in about a week!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello, can't believe it's been this long, I'm so sorry…please forgive me. I'm trying, I really am. Thank you for being so understanding.**

… …

"You don't look too happy to see me."

"What are you doing here?" I repeated. I tried to keep a straight face, but seeing he here unexpectedly was causing my already fragile demeanor to weaken further.

I had never been Jane's favorite person- and she had never been mine, either. We had tolerated each other out of the love we both had for Alec, and that had been enough to keep things cordial and at least somewhat friendly between the two of us. Until now, her opinion of me had meant that much. Alec had loved me, nad that had been all that really mattered. But Alec wasn't here now, and even if he were, it wouldn't make much of a difference. Decisions had been made; bridges burned. We both knew that however hard it was, that this was for the best. While I was still optimistic that Alec and I could find peace in knowing that the right decision had been made, I was sure Jane couldn't have cared less about all of that.

Sure enough, her next biting remark proved just that.

"Just making sure you don't 'accidentally' pack something that isn't yours. You can never be too careful with girls like you."

I rolled my eyes at her petty, immature jab- trying to not let her get to me anymore than she already had. "Does Alec know about your new job as head of security?"

"Don't worry about him. Well, I mean, I guess that shouldn't be too hard for _you_ though, should it?"

I knew that I should just ignore her and get my things together so that I could get out of there as soon as possible. I knew she was goading me, and I knew that she just wanted to get under my skin.

But despite knowing all of this, I took the bait.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I regretted it immediately, especially when I saw Jane's mouth twist into a sick smile.

"It means that you've always only cared about yourself," Jane spat. "I'm just glad my brother finally realized that, even though he only did after you humiliated him and left him…for your little photographer friend. You're not too good at covering your tracks, are you?"

I froze, and her smile grew even more wicked.

"You weren't very subtle," she continued. "And neither was he."

"What are you talking about?"

My heart was racing, and I couldn't understand what Jane was saying- and couldn't believe that she somehow knew about Edward.

"Well it was obvious- just as soon as you mentioned that the two of you had 'reconnected', you started disappearing more and more. Missing class, not going to study groups, not being home at the same times you used to be. And him- well, he wasn't hard to find. And he's quite the looker, isn't he?"

"Jane-"

"I'm not finished. He _is_ quite the looker…and quite the talker, too. It didn't take much. He showed me his portfolio when I stopped by and started asking about booking him, and my, my…there were certainly plenty of photos of you in there. And when I asked…he told quite a story."

"That's not any of your business."

I picked up the stack of boxes I had come with, turned my back on Jane and hurried into the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, she was right on my heels.

"Alec _is_ my business- this is my family we're talking about, you little bitch. Look, this is for the best. You couldn't cut it, and Alec needs someone who doesn't run at the first sign of trouble. This family expects more. But you had no right to cheat on my brother and then act like-"

I knew that she was right- I _had_ cheated on Alec. Maybe it hadn't been physical, but maybe the way I had fallen for Edward without any of that was even worse. I had come to him with my secrets, hopes, and fears, and laid it all out for him instead of Alec- the man I was supposed to be marrying. I was ashamed that I had treated my fiancé that way, but I hadn't been expecting accusations and sharp remarks tonight, especially not from Jane.

"Look, if Alec wants to talk about this with me then I will be all ears. But I'm not here to talk to you. I don't owe _you_ anything."

"Fine. Walk away, Bella. But if you _ever_ come near my brother again, you will be hearing from me. And don't even bother trying to get an internship or job-"

"Is that all you're really worried about? Get a life, Jane."

I slammed the bedroom door in her face, locking it quickly.

My heart still felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, but the adrenaline rush was over and I sank down to my knees on the plush carpet. For a while, it had seemed like I had everything worked out. But now, it felt like everything was crashing down around me again.

After I finally managed to calm down, it didn't take me long to get my things together. I didn't want there to be any more problems or fights over material things, so if there was anything that was in a sort of grey area if it were mine or Alec's, I left it. I left my jewelry box nearly full, only taking costume pieces that were my own and some items that my family had gifted to me. My engagement ring, of course, stayed. So did all of the jewelry Alec had given me over the years.

I hadn't thought about it too much before, but now looking at all the expensive pieces he had given me since we had been together, it seemed like a ridiculous amount. I hardly wore any jewelry at all, but I had been gifted it time and time again. It was all beautiful, and I had loved the gifts, but just having some from Alec had meant so much more to me than price. I would have treasured a cheap necklace from Target just as much as the one from Tiffany's that he had given me when we had first moved to Chicago.

My boxes ended up barely filled, but looking around at everything left in the room, I felt no connection to it. It might have seemed like it would be hard to walk away from this excessive wealth…instead, I just felt free.

Jane was still sitting with her glass of wine when I emerged from the bedroom, but she didn't say anything as I collected the rest of my things from around the apartment- just watched me. Luckily, there wasn't much left.

Alec came in the front door as I was taping up my last box in the entry way, and he faltered when Jane appeared in the entryway as well.

"Bella-"

"If you don't mind," I interrupted, "it's been a long day. I'd just like to go home. The movers will be here for the boxes the day after tomorrow."

"No, of course, I just…"

"I'd love to talk sometime before I fly back to Washington. Give me a call when you're free."

He nodded, still looking over at his older sister, and I left with one packed suitcase and a duffel bag.

I had regrets. I felt horribly about some of the things I had done. And I knew I could have handled things better. But I tried not to dwell on it.

And this time, I wouldn't wait around for the adventure to find me.

… …

"It blindsided me. I was…shocked. Embarrassed."

Edward and I were sitting in the studio, sprawled out on the couch. The bags I had taken with me from Alec's apartment were still sitting on the floor- I had dropped them as soon as I'd come in and joined Edward on the couch. His laptop was pushed to the side; his work abandoned as soon as he'd seen that I was upset. It meant a lot to me- probably more than it should have- that he put me first.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I had no idea who she was…and I didn't think anything of her asking me about your photos. Lots of people love them, and ask about them sometimes…I had no idea."

"No, I know. There was no way you could have known. I just hate that she's such a snake, and that she tried to ruin this for me."

"Is that what you think she was trying to do?"

I laughed humorously. "Yes. She never liked me, and I knew that. I could respect that she put that to the side while I was Alec. Now…the gloves came off, I guess. She's embarrassed, too, in a way. She couldn't believe _I_ would act like that. That I wouldn't respect Alec or their family. Which, you know, I understand. But I think she took it too far, especially given Alec's attitude towards all of this. And don't get me wrong- that hurts, too. It really does. No one wants their ex to be so caviler towards them or their breakup. But I treated him badly, and I was wrong, so I would understand his anger or disgust. I can't put up with hers."

"That makes sense. I mean, it doesn't really, because that was crazy of her…but I see what you mean."

"Thanks."

He nodded, rubbing my arm soothingly. "So, did you get a chance to talk to him?"

"No. I was just so upset already, and Jane being there made it even harder. I couldn't handle it."

"Will you, though?"

"Of course. I think I owe it to him."

"And then…"

He wasn't looking at me now; instead down at his hands. I knew he was asking when I was leaving, and my request for him to come visit me in Forks hung heavy in the air still.

"My flight leaves early Monday morning. And you?"

"I leave the next week."

"My offer still stands, you know."

He cracked a smile. "Does it?"

"I wouldn't have asked you to come if I didn't mean it."

"I know. It's just that it's been so…emotionally charged, I guess, lately. I didn't want to pressure you about something you said before."

"Thank you. But I really meant it. I want you to come. I want us to have that time together."

His smile grew. "Okay."

… …

Alec barely looked up from his phone as we sat at the coffee shop on campus. I couldn't entirely blame him, but it made things even harder.

"I'm sorry about Jane," he said, but his eyes barely flickered up to meet mine. "I didn't know that she would be there."

"I figured."

"Really though, I don't want you to think I sent her there to keep an eye on you or something. I never doubted-"

"It's okay, I get it."

He finally pushed his phone to the side. "So, you said you're going back to Washington. Seattle?"

"Forks."

A surprised expression came over his face. "Really? I thought you didn't like it there."

"I love it there. I think it was you that didn't like it there." I tried to sound teasing, but it came off a little accusatorily.

"You never complained."

I just gave him a small smile, not wanting to get into it. "Well, I'm just going to spend time with my parents and friends. Figure out what I want to do."

"Good. That'll be a good break before you go back."

"Go back?"

He frowned, confused. "Go back to school? I assume you're going to go somewhere around there. Back to U Dub?"

"Oh. Um, I don't know about school. I haven't transferred anywhere. I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

"Ah. Okay. Well, school isn't for everyone.

I bristled slightly, shaking my head. "It's not that. I loved school; you knew that from seeing me in undergrad. It's not school, it's just…me. I need some time and space."

"Obviously."

He returned to his phone, and stiffened when I reached out and placed his hand over mine. "I'm really sorry, Alec. I am. I…I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't expect it."

"Thanks, I guess. I just didn't realize that we had a problem until you were already…with him."

"Alec, I wasn't _with_ him. I mean, we spent time together, and I relied on him emotionally and we crossed some lines there. But it wasn't physical. I know that doesn't make it better- I just wanted you to know. And know that I am truly sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"Yeah, okay. I just still don't understand what happened, Bella. Everything was fine until it wasn't."

"Something just…wasn't right for me. It happened slowly- really. And suddenly I just felt like an outsider in my own life. I fought so hard for this new identity- your partner, law student…what our future was supposed to be, and I lost the rest of myself. I felt like I wasn't the old me; that I had left too much of myself behind, and my mistakes made me feel even more vulnerable."

We talked for a little while longer, but before long, Alec stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. I stood up, too, clutching my jacket and wallet. "You're going?"

"I have study group in ten."

"Okay. Well…good luck. In everything. And again, I'm sorry-"

"Yeah, I know, Bella. Thanks."

… …

"You have everything you need, right?"

"Right."

"Phone charger? Gum? ID? Boarding pass?"

"Check, check, check, and check."

Edward nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

My flight out of Chicago to Seattle left at an ungodly early time- it wasn't even five a.m. yet, but Edward had insisted on taking me to the airport. Now we stood in front of security, and it was obvious that neither of us really wanted to say goodbye.

"I booked my flight, by the way. It's right before Christmas. If the offer still stands, I mean-"

"It does." I smiled up at him. "I'm so happy you're coming. You have no idea."

He chuckled. "I think I do."

"Text me," I said, almost desperately. "And call."

"I will. Answer."

"I will," I whispered. "I promise."

"Come here."

I stepped forward, into his arms, and finally relaxed slightly once they were wrapped around me. Even though I would be home in just a matter of hours now, his arms made me feel at home already.

… …

 **Again, thank you to all of you that are still here while I spent forever dealing with personal issues. Love you to pieces.**


	20. Chapter 20

The first thing I did when the plane touched down was switch my phone off of airplane mode, and I grinned like a fool when I saw the string of text messages Edward had sent while I was in the air. It already felt different this time- maybe because we were both so determined to not let things fall apart the same way they had last time. But maybe it was just because time had passed, and we had started to become the people we were supposed to end up as.

My mom had texted me, too, saying that she was waiting for me at the baggage claim. She had sent the text almost half an hour ago, and her excitement was practically tangible. I was excited, too. It had been too long, and I was optimistic about going back to my roots and reconnecting with the ones I loved.

I barely made it down the stairs to the baggage claim area before my mom pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, but I didn't mind, and hugged her back just as tightly.

We spent the long drive back to Forks catching up, and by the time my mom pulled into the driveway of the house I had grown up in, my lips felt chapped and my voice was hoarse. But I looked at my mom, who was smiling happily, and I knew it was more than worth it.

Little by little, I felt the painful void that had been worsening over the years and months start to close. It shrunk when my dad practically burst out of the house to give me a long hug and insist on carrying my bags up to my old room. It shrunk when my mom said she was making all of my old favorites for dinner, and it shrunk further still when I went up to my old bedroom and saw my old camera sitting on top of the bookshelf in the corner.

Yes. I could feel that void within me growing smaller by the minute.

Somehow, even after two babies and years apart, Rosalie looked exactly the same.

Emmett had answered the door to their apartment when I had knocked, pulling me into a hug right away. Henry had been right on his hells. A miniature Emmett through and through, I couldn't believe how much Henry looked like his father- even more than he had the last time I had seen him as a baby.

"Rosalie's in the kitchen," Emmett had said as he led me through their small apartment. "She's been-"

" _Dying_ to see you," Rosalie had interrupted. And it was like no time had passed at all.

Now the two of us were on the couch, trying to fill in the blanks of the last few years for each other.

I smiled at her, totally amazed and who she was now. She had baby Vera in her arms, and she seemed so content. There had been many people who had looked down on Rosalie for getting married and starting a family right out of the high school, but this had been what she'd always wanted. I hated that my own inability to be able to relate to her life had played a part in us growing apart, but both of us felt willing to leave the past behind us.

We had always felt like sisters, and that hadn't changed.

We must have asked each other hundreds of questions, but we each answered them eagerly. Nothing was off limits, and despite how long it had been since we had last seen each other, everything somehow picked up right where we had left off.

Eventually the baby must have gotten sick of our constant chattering; starting to cry angrily.

"Oh, she's hungry," Rosalie murmured. "Do you mind?"

"No, not at all."

Rosalie got Vera situated to nurse, and stared happily down at her while she did.

The sweetness and powerfulness of the moment washed over me, and I didn't hesitate to ask- "Would you mind if I took a picture?"

She agreed without a second thought, and the shot- a close up, intimate feeling photo of Rosalie's profile as she lovingly looked down at her baby nursing, gave me an idea.

For the next several days, my camera came with my everywhere, and I documented my "coming home" experience.

My parents took me to the diner for the first time in two years, and I walked away with a shot of our plates- the same meals we had all ordered back when I was in high school. I photographed the bulletin board that still hung above my childhood bed, crammed full of pictures and memories. I tried to limit myself to capture raw, meaningful photos- only allowing myself to capture each subject in a single shot. It was hard to stick to when I spent an afternoon with Katie, where I ended up with just a simple shot of her engagement ring, and at Third Beach, where after an entire morning there I came away with a single photo of the shore and cliffs.

The photos, of inanimate objects and animated people, started to mount. Each one felt just as precious as the last, and by the end of the week, I had twenty photos on my camera that felt like solid gold. And I couldn't wait to share them with Edward.

We talked on the phone daily, usually at night when he was getting ready to go to bed. We talked about anything and everything, with the relationship between us growing more solid through each conversation. I had told him that I was taking pictures again, but until now, I had refused to say of what. Ten minutes into our phone call at the end of the week, I finally sent them to him in an email attachment.

"Holy shit, Bella."

"You like them?"

"Bella, I _love_ them."

Relief flooded through me. I hadn't realized just how badly I was craving his approval until I had it. "That means the world to me."

"And I'm serious, Bella. You should be very proud. Are these the hi-res images?"

"Um, yes. Why?"

"Would you be willing to let me post these as a photo essay?"

I was shocked. I had loved taking these photos, and I treasured them. Finally showing them to Edward was exciting, and was just supposed to be fun. I hadn't even considered doing something else with them. "You actually want to share my photos?"

"I really do. It would be on my website, and I'd give you your credit obviously, plus I can watermark your photos for you and edit them if you're not comfortable with the software. And you'd get a cut of ad revenue. I try to feature people from time to time, but it's been a while since I've found the right piece. And this is exactly what I'm looking for. They're so raw and real, and they tell a great story. I feel like I'm right there with you just by looking at them."

A little over a week later, the photos went up on Edward's website. Other than a few necessary corrections, he had ended up leaving the photos unretouched. I couldn't stop looking at the post- titled "reconnecting with home", just in disbelief that the photos were actually getting views. Seeing the watermark of my name that Edward had also added to each photo just added to my awe.

 _That was me. These were my pictures._

And just like that, I felt like I had found direction in life.

… …

We talked on the phone every single night, and sometimes more than once per day. Nothing was off limits, and somehow, there was always something to say. I craved the sound of his voice, and would do anything to hear his laugh. He regaled me with stories from his travels, both past and present, and I told him about rediscovering Forks as well as memories from my childhood here.

The day of his arrival drew closer and closer, and by the time it arrived, I knew I was already deeply in love with him.

When Edward had taken me to the airport for my flight to Washington, we had departed with a hug. Now I was the one picking him up, and I didn't hesitate to pull him into a deep kiss.

He seemed surprised, not reacting for a moment. But then his arms wrapped around me as well, and he kissed me back with fervor. I don't know how long our embrace lasted, but somehow is felt simultaneously like no time at all and forever. When Edward eventually broke the kiss, I just buried my face in his chest and relished in the feeling of having him here in front of me and actually being able to do something about it.

Yes, it would still take work. There were still so many things to figure out, and it might be difficult. However, we would do it together and that made me sure that it would work.

… …

"It feels like yesterday that I was here last," Edward said, staring out the window of the car as we drove into Forks.

His hand was on my thigh, and I was glad there was no hesitation about being physical with each other. It had only been less than two months since we had seen each other in Chicago, but I think we were both aware of how different things were now, and we were taking advantage.

Even though I hadn't found a way to tell him yet, I knew that I loved him. I had known love before- despite the way things had happened with Alec, I had loved him. But it was nothing compared this type of love, and although it was a little overwhelming, I was just letting my heart lead the way. Edward seemed to be doing the same.

"It seems like centuries ago to me," I mused. "But I'm just happy you're here now."

He smiled, gently squeezing my thigh once.

"I want you to show me some of the places you photographed- I recognized some, but not all."

"Of course. I have more photos, too, that I've been saving to show you until now."

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you…why weren't there any pictures of your meadow?

I glanced over at him and felt my cheeks redden slightly. "Well…"

"What?" Edward asked with a laugh.

"I haven't been back."

"You're been here for almost two months and haven't gone there?!' He was incredulous, and honestly so was I. There had been many times where I had wanted to go there, because I felt like it was really the last step to finally feeling at home again and reconnecting. But that was exactly why I had forced myself to hold off.

"I was waiting for you."

… …

My parents hadn't met Edward back when I was in high school, but today they welcomed him with open arms. I knew they hadn't known the extent of our relationship back then, but I had still be nervous. Luckily, I had nothing to be worried about.

Edward and my mom chatted about the pictures I had been taking, and my dad insisted on carrying his suitcases upstairs. He placed them in the guestroom, and I caught Edward's teasing wink. He had reached over and squeezed my hand, too, making my mom smile knowingly.

Before long, we were talking hand in hand out of the backyard and into the surrounding woods, both of us with cameras slung around our necks.

"You're good at that," I commented, watching Edward take a picture one handed.

He laughed, aiming the camera towards me, prompting me to do the same to him.

By the time we got to the clearing, the words I knew were true were bubbling up inside of me and I knew that I wanted to say them.

We stood there, and I reached for his other hand as I stood in front of him. Edward smiled down at me, and surprised me with a quick peck on the lips. "I'm glad we're back here."

"Me, too."

I looked up at him for a moment. I expected to be scared, or nervous. After all, telling someone that you love them can be scary. But looking at him, I wasn't scared.

"I love you, Edward."

Without hesitation, he replied. "I love you, too."

I didn't doubt him at all, and I felt like my happiness was complete. We kissed and kissed, like neither of us could get enough. And in a way, we couldn't. This was the first time we really felt free to be each other like this, without worrying about other people, our ages, or the differences between our lives. Today, it just felt like we were two people in love who were going to make it work.

"I have something to show you." I dropped his hands, reaching for the watch I always wore on my wrist. My hands shook as I unclasped it and turned my wrist up towards Edward so that he could see it.

The tattoo I had gotten when I was eighteen was there, plain as day, as similar to his as I could have gotten it.

I don't know what kind of reaction I had been expecting, but I was surprised to see that tears filled his eyes. I cupped his face with my hands, wiping away the tears that I could reach with my thumbs. "I don't think I knew what love was back then. We didn't have nearly enough time together back then, and the timing just wasn't right for either of us. But now I'm sure that there has been something keeping a connection between us this whole time."

… …

 **Hope to update sometime this week for Chapter 21!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I'm in the midst of working on the next chapter of "Three", too, so hopefully that will be up soon. I also hope everyone had a great week! Mine was slow but I had today off to start my weekend and felt somewhat productive even though I also spent a lot of time napping. Oops!**

 **Baseball season has also started since we last talked! The most magical time of the year! If you're a fan, I wish you a happy season : )**

… …

I sat back and watched Edward. He moved with a practiced confidence, and when he was like this, his camera lens was really just an extension of himself. I wished that I could see the world with his eyes, but he did make that possible with his photographs. He would show me what he had captured, giving me a glance at the beauty he always managed to see around him.

"Can I see what you've got?"

I had been so wrapped up in watching him that his words startled me, and I sheepishly handed over my camera. I'd only taken a few more photos, and nearly of them were of him.

His mouth curled up into a smile as he began looking through the photos I'd taken, and he peeked up at me.

"Shut up." I blushed bright red, squirming under his knowing gaze.

"I didn't say anything!" he laughed. "Although…"

I shoved him playfully and shrieked loudly when he grabbed me and pulled me into a deep kiss. It felt so good to be with him like this- I deepened the kiss further, not caring that our cameras were between us, and felt lightheaded by the time he eventually pulled away. If just his kisses could do this to me, I was almost scared to think how strong the connection would be between us in the future. But really, I could hardly wait.

"Look, I love this one," he said suddenly, his focus back on the camera. He remained as close as possible to me, like he couldn't bear to step away. "See how you captured the way the light is coming through the trees? It's beautiful."

"I didn't even realize I was doing that. I just aimed and clicked."

I always felt a little embarrassed when Edward talked about my photos- like I was a fraud. He spoke with so much passion and knowledge, while I barely knew anything at all about photography. I loved that he seemed to think I was good, but felt incredibly amateur compared to him.

But Edward pulled my chin up gently, his fingers lingering there as he spoke. "Bella. There is knowledge and practiced skill, but there is also talent. They all matter. Right now, harness this raw, pure talent and it will then shape your knowledge. Skill comes later, with practice, and there's no time limit. Trust the process- I do."

Grateful, I kissed his cheek. "Somehow you always know the right things to say."

"For you, I'll always try."

We spent a little more time there in the meadow, talking and taking pictures before deciding to call it a day. We started back towards my parents' house, hand in hand, and I finally vocalized the question that had been on my mind for too long now. I had been afraid of the answer, and I still was, but knew I also needed the answer.

"Where are you headed after this?"

Edward hesitated, looking over at me. "I promised Alice and our parents that I would spend Christmas in Texas with all of them, and then I go back to Chicago on New Year's Eve to get my car and some of the stuff I left behind. After that, I have to be in Maine for a wedding on Valentine's day- but I'm planning on driving straight there and being in the area for a few weeks before the job."

"Oh, okay."

Although I was glad to hear his answer, it was also bittersweet and a reminder that there was still much for us to discuss.

"But I was hoping that you'd come with me. To Maine. And then…everywhere else."

Happiness swelled up inside me, and I squeezed his hand tightly.

"I would love that."

… …

The next few weeks were bliss. We spent time together as much as we could, but also made the most out of the periods of time we spent apart. I couldn't even assign a number to how many pictures Edward had to have taken, and I loved that he seemed happy to spend a little time with my parents, whether I was there with them or not. Sometimes I spent time alone with Rosalie, but other times, Edward, Emmett, and the babies were there also. Kate and her fiancé still lived in Seattle, so we spent a few days with them there and had an incredible time- they had even booked Edward to do their wedding photos in September.

For the first time, everything felt effortless, but in the best way. Our relationship was fun and easy, but there was also deep passion there that I'd only ever felt with him.

Six years ago, I'd been incredibly drawn to the sexy, older photographer that had dropped into my life out of nowhere. He had been mysterious and talented, but off-limits thanks to all the powerful things that kept us apart. He had been unpredictable when I had craved stability, and had possessed all of the life experience I wanted yet still wasn't ready for. The timing had been completely wrong, and it had brought a lot of heartbreak.

Now, it felt like we were equals, and completely on the same page for the first time.

… …

"There." I looked over at Edward, sprawled out next to me on the couch, and smiled excitedly. "My flight to Maine is booked."

"Yeah?" He wrapped one of his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"I get in to Portland late on the night of January twentieth."

"Late, huh? How are you getting to the hotel?"

I scoffed at his teasing, but he knew how much I loved it.

"I'd walk if I had to."

"Well, you know I'll be there to pick you up…with bells on. I've wanted this for a long time."

I curled closer to his side, touched by his words. "To have someone with you again?"

"Nah, to have _you_ with me."

I melted as he pulled me closer still. His hands were everywhere, but it felt like I was _made_ to be touched by him. It felt right, and for the first time, I wasn't nervous or anxious about physical intimacy at the beginning of a relationship. With Alec, and even with Edward back when I was younger, I'd had so many reservations and sometimes flinched under the unfamiliar touches. Now, I craved it.

But we were in my parents' house, on their living room couch. Now was hardly the time, and we both knew it. So we gradually moved apart again, and settled for twining our hands together and squeezing tight. This was enough for now.

… …

We had finally gotten some of the logistics sorted out for the future, and I was getting more and more excited with each passing day.

No, this wasn't a white picket fence or a perfectly planned life. But it _was_ a life together.

I was looking forward to traveling, but even more so because it would be with Edward. It was still a little daunting, though, considering I'd never been in the car for more than five hours at a time and would soon be traveling halfway across the country. After the wedding in Maine, we were headed to Virginia for a family photo shoot, and then to Texas to take newborn photos.

There would be some time for breaks or exploring along the way, but I was looking forward to the long break we'd be taking in Texas- after taking newborn photos for Alice and Jasper's baby. It had been ages since I'd seen Jasper, and even longer since Alice and Edward had been in Forks together. I wanted to be a part of Edward's family, though, and hoped that we could all become close.

Our relationship "status" had been up in the air until now- it just wasn't something that we had talked about. We had just wanted to be together, and obviously knew that we already loved each other. I sometimes felt a little silly being so in love with Edward when we hadn't done much physically, because in the past, it was the other way around. Now it was something deeper- we'd fallen in love as friends first and now we were ready to build upon it.

I had wondered a bit, but my nerves were squashed when Edward swiftly put the matter to rest in a conversation about the upcoming wedding job.

"They won't mind if I come along, will they?" I'd asked, hoping the couple wouldn't. I was excited to see Edward at work. "I don't want to blindside anyone."

"Nah, I emailed the bride the other day and told her I was bringing my girlfriend, and she said the more the merrier," Edward had said easily.

And that was that.

… …

It was harder to say goodbye than I had anticipated.

After all, I had left before. First for Seattle, and then all the way to Chicago. But back then, I had already felt lost. Now, I had found myself again and it was harder than ever to leave now that I knew how much I had connected with my roots.

Edward had left over a month ago for Texas and then Maine, and I missed him every moment that we were apart. Christmas and New Years were especially hard, but he was never more than a phone call away.

Just as he had left in the early evening on a flight from Seattle, so was I. I had driven him to the airport for his departure, but it was my parents that made the drive for me.

"I'll miss you, Bella. But I'm sure you'll have the best time," my mom said, holding back tears as she hugged me…again. "Send us pictures, and call whenever you want. I want to hear all about it. And tell Edward we said hello."

"I will," I promised.

"You still have that pepper spray I gave you?" My dad sounded like he was teasing, but his eyes were suspiciously wet looking.

"Yes, I have it," I assured him. "All three cans."

"Make sure Edward takes care of you," he mumbled gruffly.

"He will."

In the past, their emotional goodbyes had embarrassed me. Now, I wanted to hug them for even longer. By the time we parted for good, all three of us were crying and not bothering to hide it.

It was a long flight, but I managed to read and sleep for most of it. I had thought I would be more nervous- after all, I had just packed up and gone across the country, and wouldn't be back home until summer for Kate's wedding.

But I wasn't nervous- especially when Edward met me at my gate with a grin and a deep kiss.

This was home.

… …

 **Thank you again! Let me know what you thought.**

 **Yes normally in our post-9/11 world, you usually cannot meet people at their gate anymore unless you have your own ticket. However, I was just reading the other day about airports that are starting to let you go through security and enter the terminal without a ticket to shop, eat, pick up/drop off loved ones, etc. So in this world, they're at one of those airports!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you've all been great since we last met.**

 **My fiancé and I are headed to NYC at the end of this week, so I'm going to be super busy, but hope to write in my spare time.**

… …

 _Home is a feeling, not a place_.

… …

I gratefully accepted the glass of champagne that Edward offered to me. It had already been such a long day, and the wedding reception had only started less than an hour ago. My feet hurt from the shoes I was wearing and my camera felt heavy from where it hung around my neck.

But today had been amazing. Love and happiness radiated everywhere, even though I had just met the happy couple this morning. Something about being around so much joy made me feel even stronger in my feelings for Edward. The last two weeks had been amazing, full of laughter and exploring- in more ways than one. We would start out in the morning without knowing where exactly where we would end up, and looking back at the photos we took was like following a treasure map.

Now today, I tagged along as Edward's assistant as he photographed the wedding that he had come to Maine for. The whole day had been a fast-passed, incredibly educational experience, and this was the first time all day we'd had a moment to relax.

"What did you think?"

Edward looped his arm in mine as I took a sip of champagne.

"Amazing. But also exhausting, and the night isn't over yet."

"I agree."

"They look so happy. I don't even know them, and I wanted to cry during the ceremony. It was beautiful."

He nodded in agreement. "I know. I get this vibe from some weddings- not all, and I love when I do. It's very special, and a great feeling to be a part of such a happy day."

"Being surrounded by this love makes me love you even more."

Edward smiled crookedly before pressing a kiss to my temple. "I love you too, Bella."

I probably couldn't count the number of times we had now said those words to each other, but regardless of the frequency, each and every time gave me butterflies. I hoped that feeling would never go away.

We spent the rest of the night working, and even though Edward encouraged me to be a part of the process, I started to hang back more and observe. There was something special about just being in his orbit, witnessing and absorbing but not interfering. I had always been in awe of his talent, and I'd gotten to witness it many times, but it was always fascinating.

It made me long more many more nights just like this one.

… …

"Oomph."

I giggled as we both dropped down onto the bed, a twisted pile of limbs. I'd have quite a bit of champagne as the night had wrapped up, and even though my body still felt exhausted, I felt like I had found my second wind.

Edward untangled himself from me, standing. But then he leaned over me, and his eyes drank me in. The mood shifted suddenly, and I was no longer laughing.

We'd spent nearly every night in the last few weeks testing boundaries, and I think we were both aware that right now, there was nothing standing in our way. It was just the two of us, and we had nothing left to hide from each other.

The room was quiet, but no words were needed.

I stood up and turned around, waiting patiently as Edward brushed my hair to one side and then wordlessly found the zipper of my dress and pulled it down. I shrugged out of it, letting the red fabric fall to the floor. I turned back around and undid his shirt buttons, one by one, until the colorful skin of his arms and his bare chest were revealed.

"This never fails to leave me speechless," I finally said, running my hands over the ink that swirled over his skin. I could almost _feel_ all of the places he'd been; imagine all the things he had experienced. "It almost makes me feel like I was right there with you for all of this."

"I wish you had been."

We kissed again and again, shedding the rest of our clothes as we went.

"I'm just happy that I'm here now."

He took his time, touching me and turning me to mush. I had already come once from his mouth and his fingers before he pushed himself into me, and then I knew that I had never had anything like this before.

"Fuck." His curse slipped out between clenched teeth, but I couldn't respond. I was too caught up in all of it. "You feel…incredible."

It felt so unbelievably cliché, but this was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I had never felt so close to another human being before, and it was almost like what I was feeling was a tangible thing. My mouth found his, and our fingers tangled together. You couldn't tell where he ended and I began.

… …

Just like all those years ago in Port Angeles, I beside Edward as he added another tattoo to the work on his arms. The vibrant green pine tree fit perfectly, and looked like it could have been plucked right out of the many pictures we'd taken in the forests that we'd spent so much time in since being here. Some of the tattoos Edward had gotten based on places might have seemed a little cliché, like a peach in Georgia and pine tree here in Maine, but I could also see how well they really captured the place.

We packed up not long after that, saying goodbye to the cozy hotel room we'd been sharing and heading out on the open road. The photos for the wedding had been mostly finished over the past week- Edward would be working on the rest over the next few weeks as well and be teaching me how to use his editing software as we finished them.

Virginia was the next stop- a family who had booked Edward for wedding pictures a few years previously now had two children, and had asked him to come and do family photos and then also a session with their large extended family. It would be so different from the type of work Edward had done for the wedding we had just finished, so I was intrigued to learn how it worked.

We had two weeks before the shoot, so we decided to take our time travelling from Portland, Maine to Norfolk, Virginia.

"I thought we could stay in Washington D.C. for a few nights," Edward suggested. He held my hand as he drove, his thumb running over my knuckles.

"Oh, that would be amazing. Have you been before?"

"Yeah, I spent a few days here last time I worked with Kara and Matt. You'll love it."

"I'm sure I will. Maybe we could hit some museums?"

He nodded. "Definitely. They have some great ones. We'll have to come back some other time, though, to see the cherry blossom festival. I keep hearing about it, but I've never been at the right time."

"Next year."

We were constantly planning for the future, even little things like wanting to go to a festival. But it made me feel secure in some of the ways I craved- it was the huge thing that had been missing way back when, when I was too young and we couldn't give each other what we really needed in a relationship. Now we were free to love each other and make plans and just be happy together. The list of what we wanted to do, however, seemed to be growing longer and longer by the minute.

"We'll just have to be together forever," I had teased.

But Edward had just smiled back, serious as could be. "That's the plan."

… …

In between traveling and exploring and learning from Edward, I found the time to work more and more on my own photography skills. Edward was patient with me, never getting frustrated when I asked for his advice or opinion. It helped me to grow as a photographer, and I felt myself becoming more and more confident. I definitely enjoyed capturing nature more than human subjects- I just didn't have the same charismatic charm and natural ease that Edward did, and wasn't as comfortable.

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed wandering on our travels- other than scheduled jobs, there was no place to be and no schedule to follow. It had been a little difficult to get used to at first, but I had adapted quickly and learned to appreciate it.

Still, I was nowhere near as accustomed to it as Edward was, and was thrilled when he brought up wanting to finally open a studio somewhere. We had discussed possible locations until we were blue in the face, but were unable to actually decide on something. Even though it was still what he wanted for the future, I knew that Edward wasn't quite ready yet to give up on travelling so much, and he was booked fairly far out. It was yet another thing we filed away for the future.

Even though there was still so much that we weren't sure about- at least we were sure about each other.

… …

 **Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you thought.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey all! This summer has been totally crazy for me- I hope you've all had some fun, too. We've been travelling a ton and I've been working a lot to make up for the time off.**

 **After this chapter, we only have four chapters left! What do you think is in store for Edward and Bella now?**

 **Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy!**

… …

Edward stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, as I eagerly showed him the photos I'd taken this morning when I had gone out for coffee and bagels.

"Wow," he said, making me pause. "That's gorgeous." It was a simple picture of a deserted street I'd passed on my quest for breakfast. Huge trees lined the street, almost completely hiding the buildings and forming a thick canopy over the street that made it feel isolated, like it was in the middle of nowhere.

We continued to look through the pictures before Edward stood and searched for his own camera. He slid the strap around his neck, and the camera suddenly became a part of him, like it always did. "I was thinking we could head out to the national forest- it's not far, and then be on our way. Does that sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect. Did you get the car loaded up while I was gone?"

"All set."

"Cool. So then we'll continue on our way to Texas?"

Edward had peppered in a few stops along the way as we travelled from Maine to Texas, and each spot had been better than the last. Some were big cities, like Washington D.C., but we'd also stopped in small towns and had just a good of time.

He smiled secretively before pressing a kiss to my temple. "I figured that we have plenty of time to take another little detour."

"Ah, really? Where to?"

"I think you'll figure it out as we go."

Edward, although he was the most compatible with me and the first boyfriend who had ever really knocked me off my feet, wasn't one for big romantic gestures. He did amazing things for me all the time, but usually without fanfare, and he still included me in making plans. The fact that he was planning on making something on this trip a special surprise for me made me feel giddy, like I was eighteen years old again, hopefully enamored with the same mysterious photographer.

I couldn't quite call him that anymore- mysterious. Every day, he shared some part of himself with me that made him less of mystery and more of a partner, giving me more and more of that sense of security I had always so desperately craved. Now, I could be confident that he was mine, and that he gave me a part of himself every day. I was also his, and we had a whole lifetime in front of us to build a life we could be happy with and proud of.

"Let's get going." Edward finished off the rest of his coffee, and I held back the remark I wanted to make when he jammed a cigarette in his mouth. He was making progress on cutting back, and like he had told me before, he had traded one vice for another. This one was still dangerous, but he was able to slowly move away from it, too. So even though I still hated it, I did my best not to comment.

It wasn't far of a drive to get to the George Washington and Jefferson National Forest. Edward parked the car and we walked side by side on one of the trails; me focused on capturing the raw beauty of the nature around us and Edward stopping every passerby, asking to take their picture and have them share a little bit about themselves for a short photo essay. I wished that inspiration would come to me like it came to Edward- photographing people was still a little out of my comfort zone, and I had always felt more connected to nature. I hadn't forgotten about how important conservation was to me, and even though I had given up on perusing that through law school, there were other ways to help spread awareness.

I told Edward what I'd been thinking about as we walked, and his enthusiasm towards it made me feel even more confident.

"Hey, I know Christina Mittermeir through a few friends, we should see if you can get into contact with her. She founded the International League of Conservation Photographers. That would be something you'd love."

"That sounds amazing," I gushed. "How would I get involved? What do they do?"

"They go on expeditions that you can sign up for. There's a ton all over the place, so you'll have to look through all of them. And I'm sure there's some in the Pacific Northwest if that's what you want to remain focused on."

I thought about it for the rest of the morning, wondering if this was the next logical step for me. I had enjoyed following Edward on these jobs, and felt like we'd made amazing progress on both my skills and understanding, but also on our relationship, but this was still very much Edward's thing. He was incredible with his clients, and he had an insane talent for knowing exactly what they wanted and using that knowledge to capture something raw and powerful, not to mention beautiful. I didn't have that same connection with clients, and always felt so much more in my element when I captured nature. As much as I loved being there, more about the behind the scenes moments, when I joined Edward on a job, it would be nice to experience something different- something that I felt a strong pull towards.

I wanted to be here with Edward, and I could see doing this long term if we worked as a team, but I also wondered what else there was out there for me to continue to grow as a photographer.

We finished up in the forest when it was time for lunch, and decided we'd grab lunch on the road.

There was something so special about being out of the road with someone. The car started to feel like a sanctuary for Edward and I, where we only got closer and nothing was off limits. It was an effortless kind of thing, with both of us going with the flow, taking things as they came. I'd never enjoyed this kind of a dynamic in a relationship before, and now I wondered how I could ever live without it.

I dozed off a few times as Edward drove, but when I finally sat up for good and rubbed my eyes, I saw that we were in Tennessee- headed straight towards Nashville. Edward grinned when I turned to look at him. "I really think you'll love it."

"I remember when you first told me that," I murmured, feeling emotional. "Years and years ago, you said you thought I'd love it here."

"I still think you will."

"How long will we stay?"

"We have to be at Alice's in eight days, but we can stay until the last minute, if you want to."

We were still far outside the city, but I was already at the edge of my seat with excitement. I loved that Edward wanted to bring me here so long after he had first mentioned it to me- back when I was eighteen and starry eyed. I was still a little starry eyed over him and who he was, but now I could lean over and kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

… …

We were starving by the time we got to our hotel in downtown Nashville, and even though I would have been content with room service or fast food, Edward insisted on going out.

The bars and restaurants that lined Broadway were teeming with people, with chatter and music pouring out into the street. We ended up at Puckett's, where Edward had been before, and luckily were able to get a table right away. We scarfed down our food, but only after I had taken a picture of both our plates. Edward rolled his eyes, but I knew it was good-natured teasing. It might have been incredibly cliché and possibly annoying, but I was chronicling our trip on my Instagram not just with picture of the sights, but also of every meal and every "Welcome to" sign we passed. It was fun and silly, and I was enjoying myself.

"Do you want to walk around some more?" Edward asked once we were stuffed and pushed our plates to the side. "Or we can stop in somewhere if you want a drink."

"No, let's just walk around."

Edward had said repeatedly that he didn't mind me having a drink, and that it wouldn't bother him to tag along once in a while and just stick to soda, but while I did want to trust him…part of me still worried. He was so sure, but I didn't want to push his limits. Besides, I had never been much of a drinker myself and I didn't feel like I was missing out.

So we walked the streets hand in hand, enjoying the night. It was chilly, but Edward's arm around my shoulders helped. We took our time getting back to the hotel, but wasted no time once the door was closed behind us.

"Come here," I breathed, smiling when he came to me and wrapped his arms around me before pulling me into a deep kiss. "I'll never get tired of wanting you," I said, skimming my nose along the underside of his jaw.

"I'll hold you to that," Edward warned, tipping my chin up with his index finger so he could look into my eyes. "I've wanted you for what feels like forever, and I never want to be without you. I don't think I could take it."

"You'll never have to," I promised. "Because I've always felt the same way."

Sometimes it was hard and fast, sometimes soft and sweet. I loved it either way, but tonight was a combination of both. I didn't know what it was, but there was a shift between us where we just couldn't get close enough.

Hours passed before we finally got into the shower and then slipped into bed to sleep, but we still kissed and talked and laughed beneath the covers before sleep actually came.

… …

We slept in after a long day of traveling and a night spent wrapped up in each other, and it was almost eleven before we got up and ventured out for breakfast.

"There's a couple of places I was hoping to stop by," Edward told me in between bites of his omelet. "If you don't mind."

"No, of course not. What places?"

He smiled, secretive again. "You'll see."

We walked hand in hand again, and my heart nearly stopped when he paused and gestured towards our destination.

It was an empty storefront, with a for sale sign in the window.

"We don't have to stay here, if you don't like it," Edward insisted. "I'm just starting to look, and there's no pressure. We can go anywhere you like. I just wanted…I wanted to show you that I'm serious about finally settling down. You know I'm always going to want to travel. But…having a home base finally seems like the next step. And I want you to be there with me."

… …

 **What do you think? Did you expect that Edward would finally put down some roots? And do you think Bella will pick Nashville, or is her heart in Washington? Let me know!**

 **Thanks so much for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

The time we spent in Texas at idyllic. Alice and Jasper welcomed us with open arms, and baby Jackson was one of the happiest babies I had ever seen. It was a beautiful time, where Edward and I grew closer still, and where I was able to become close with his family, too.

I hadn't known what to expect from Esme and Carlisle but they would have blown away any expectation I would have been able to muster. They treated me the same way they treated Alice, Edward, and Jasper. It was an amazing feeling- to be accepted and loved so readily. Any worries I'd had flew out the window from the moment that we had been introduced.

Yes, our time in Texas felt absolutely perfect. But then again, maybe I only felt that way because of the disaster that lay ahead.

… …

"So…I was thinking that maybe we could take a detour on the way back to Washington." Edward glanced over at me as he spoke, his expression hopeful around the cigarette in his mouth. He swore he was cutting back, but I still hated to see it.

"Oh?" I paused my packing, put the shirt I was folding to the side. "Why, what's up?"

"A buddy of mine owns a gallery in San Francisco. He's pretty well known and trendy these days, and he was an amazing installation opening up soon. I'd love to see it, and I think you would like it."

I hesitated, feeling conflicted. While I loved travelling with Edward and had an amazing time on this trip, I could admit to myself that I was starting to feel homesickness settling in. For some reason I just couldn't admit it to him, knowing that he would never feel the same way. "What about Kate's wedding?" I said, instead of what was really on my mind. I _did_ care about the wedding though- I was looking forward to both attending and helping Edward photograph the event.

"Well, we might be cutting it a little close, but we can still make it. I know it means a lot to you, and I would never flake on an event unless it was an absolute emergency. We will be there for the wedding."

He put his arm around me, but suddenly the energy between us felt all wrong and I didn't know why.

"Okay," I conceded, although a sense of dread enveloped me. "Let's do it."

… …

The trip to San Francisco was a whirlwind. Edward talked a mile a minute as he drove, telling me about his friends in the area and all of the galleries and shows that he couldn't wait to show me. He told me about some of his favorite photography spots there, and how he couldn't wait to see my take on them.

I was flourishing under Edward's guidance, and I could see an improvement in the quality of the photos I took. Edward praised me relentlessly for them, and although it made me a little bashful, I soaked up every bit of his approval because of how much he meant to me, and how talented I knew he was. He had shown me the calendar for the rest of this year in next, and I was in awe of the amount of bookings. I knew that he said he couldn't settle down quite yet even though that was the goal- he wasn't expecting bookings for the year after next in hopes that he would have a permanent place to call home.

But I felt pessimistic. I watched his eyes light up as he told me more and more stories, and listed all of the places he wanted to show me one day. It seemed like too much for one lifetime. I believed that he would settle down- I honestly felt that he would keep his word. But I didn't know how long that would last. He would make a spot for himself, for us, somewhere, but how long until the other corners of the country and of the world started to call out to him again?

I wanted to talk about it. I wanted him to know my fears and reservations, as well as my hopes and dreams. But I lost my nerve during the trip to California, even though we had hours together in the car.

 _I'll tell him in Washington_ , I promised myself. _We can talk about it then._

Instead, we didn't make it that far.

… …

Edward's friend Demetri said all the right things. He was smooth and charming and charismatic. But something about him rubbed me the wrong way.

I was on edge, more than I had been in a very long time. Things were adding up, and my anxiety had skyrocketed. Edward was sympathetic, because even though I hadn't confided in him about all my worries on our drive, I did tell him how anxious I was feeling lately. He tried to do what he could to relax me, and it was all wonderful.

Until he turned to Demetri as we stood at a bar, packed in like sardines.

"Hey, do you have something for Bella? Something to take the edge off? She's so anxious she's practically chewed through her lip."

Demetri laughed, but I didn't.

"Edward," I said, tugging on his shirt sleeve. " _What_?"

He rubbed my back, but suddenly his touch didn't feel so good.

"It might help, babe. I hate seeing you this way."

"I'll go to a doctor once we get back to Forks," I said firmly, although I was furious and confused all at the same time. "I'll get a prescription."

"That takes time," Demetri laughed. "And you're needing it now. Why wait?"

"I want to leave," I said to Edward, tugging on his shirt again. "Let's go."

Demetri protested, and Edward started to, but then he saw the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'll text you tomorrow," he promised, patting Demetri on the shoulder. "Thanks, man."

The walk back to our hotel was quiet. Edward reached out to hold my hand, but I pulled away. My mind was racing…why had Edward wanted to come here so badly? What sort of role had Demetri played in Edward's addiction in the past…and possibly the present?

"Bella…"

Once the door to the hotel room slammed behind us, the tears started to fall.

"What are you doing, Edward? What are we doing here?" I was angry and devasted, and now as I looked at him I saw it. The sweat on his brow; the way his pupils were dilated. I thought back to Texas, when sex had come to a standstill between us, and I thought it just meant that part of they honeymoon phase was over- after all, I had experienced that before with other lovers. But was this something else?

I think deep down I knew that it was. But I had to know.

"What have you done, Edward?"

He held up his hands. "I have it under control."

"There's no such thing! What…how did this happen?"

Edward stared at me for a long moment, and the realization hit me that he was trying to decide if he could lie his way out of this.

"I'll leave right now if you don't tell me what's going on. I'll leave and you'll never see me again."

"Jasper accidentally let it slip that Alice had to have an episiotomy when Jackson was born. He wasn't supposed to tell me, Alice knew. She knew…and I knew they would have prescribed her something. She hid it in the freezer. I found it the last couple days we were there."

"Why?" I whispered, covering my face in my hands. "Why'd you go back? This has been…the most amazing time of my life. Why wasn't it that way for you? Why wasn't I enough?"

"Bella."

I looked up at him, disgusted but also hurt and confused. How could I reconcile the man I'd wanted since I was eighteen years old with the one who would do this?"

"I'm a drug addict, Bella. That never goes away."

… …


End file.
